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Here it is fellow readers, the third chapter! This chapter is longer than the other two, so no one will be disappointed. I am currently writing the fourth chapter, it may take longer since classes started but I will post as soon as possible.
I want to thank Allegramarks for her editing skills! Thank You!!!
I arrived at school more early than ever, even though I was tired as hell.
I couldn’t function that well. I mean, I almost crashed my mom’s remodeled 1970 Plymouth Belvedere. I’ve been thinking about what Maya told me yesterday. Are my new feelings towards Logan really heartfelt or is it because I feel sorry for him? I honestly don’t know.
The question I was asking myself didn’t help me the minute I saw him walking towards the school with his skimpy jacket on. It almost broke my heart to see how miserable he looked. His face instantly lit up, making my heart glow… a little, when he caught sight of me.
So I thought he was but he was actually smiling at that emo freak Richard Hales. They hugged which sent me into a little fit of envy. They’re just friends, I told myself.
“Don’t worry, they’re just friends. It looks like they might be together, but they’re just really close. They only got each other in this school.” Maya said out of the blue, startling me, making me blush. She noticed too as she began to snicker. “You’re really hot when you blush. You know that right?”
I told her to shut up and went inside the school to my locker. But, being the pessimistic girl she is, she followed suit and kept on her business. “You know about the little talk we had yesterday…” she tried to say the rest but I rudely cut her off.
“Look, I don’t have a thing for trash like Hoekstra, okay!” I grabbed her by the arm and took her to a secluded area in the halfway. “I have a beautiful girlfriend who I am committed too; I am the president of the senior class, captain of the rugby and co-captain of the lacrosse teams. I am the most popular student of this school and voted Homecoming King, okay.” I looked around hoping I didn’t make a scene and carried on. I was not going to let her win.
“Even if I did have anything but pity for that loser, I wouldn’t do anything about it. You really think I would ruin my reputation by being with dumpster shit like Logan. That’s going to be hot talk.” I ended my tirade, I wanted to storm out and tell her she won’t be getting any hot sex for the whole week. She had a blank look on her face.
“What’s with that look you have on your snotty face?”
“Well it’s just that…you kept on looking at Logan. While you talked about your stuck-up self your eyes weren’t looking at me, they were looking at him and that suicide emo he is fond of.”
“Bullshit! Shut the fuck up.” I wish she was bullshitting but it was true. All I kept looking at was Logan with that loser. She saw it in my face. She had won, like always. Maybe her pessimism is the way she got me to her bed.
Logan and Rich walked past me, Rich whispering something in Logan’s ear with a return laugh from him. I’m not going to lie, I was envious.
I wanted to know this version of Logan. Not the one I met at the soup kitchen. He looked tired, embarrassed, and sad that time. He could barely speak when I asked him a question. Here he looks alive, happy, and he had a really beautiful, pearly white, toothy smile, that was complete opposite with the dry, pink lips. Lips I wanted moist from my kisses…
“Hey dick head, whataya doing, hitting on my girlfriend.” Ha! If the asshole only knew!
With that, my sweet blissful daydream of Logan was destroyed by none other than Steven Boehner. He could destroy anyone’s thoughts with his powerful presence and his very low and demanding voice. He was the same height as me, but he was larger than me. Unlike my leaner body, enhanced by the long hours playing rugby and lacrosse, his body was more muscular and larger by playing the string quarterback. He was the total embodiment of the golden football playing jock. His attitude was nonetheless disgusting. His total mindset was to make anyone he viewed lower than his people a living hell, like my poor Logan.
He flashed that wicked smile of his. “Don’t worry dickhead. You’re girl is okay, same I could say about you.” He gave a low growl in dissatisfaction, which really brought a smile to my face. He quickly recovered, knowing it would hurt the competitive streak between us. It has been going on since we were thirteen. Pride is the benefactor in all of this and we both know damn well we are nowhere near friends, we may hang out together, but it’s more of a bittersweet friendship.
“Well, hate to break it to ya, but guess who just hit the jackpot!”
Dread and anger crept all over my body. That wicked smile only meant to shove something in my face that would give him a huge win and cripple my pride. He’s the reason I strive to be better than everyone else. Believe me when I say, I am far better than him or anyone else for that matter.
“Well, poker oyna thanks to my astounding talents of becoming the best damn quarterback this school ever had.”
“Undefeated for the whole season, very impressive, sweetie,” adds Maya, a touch of pride showing in her face.
“Well, guess who just got a full ride to Princeton,” his wicked smile appeared again, God how I wanted to beat the living crap out of him right then and there. Break those fucking shit grinning teeth.
“Oh my God, baby I’m so proud of you,” Maya left my side to run into Steve’s arms, kissing him everywhere. He was just eating all of it up. He saw the expression through me because he told me “Don’t worry dude, we all knew this had to end somehow.” Steve then pushed Maya abruptly and stood an inch near me, close to my ear.
“It’s the end Brendan. You think your fruity ass presidency or your rugby would beat me. We all know who the best in this school is. And, if I were you, I’d stay away from Maya too.”
With that he walked towards the west side of the school, grabbing Maya forcefully by the arm. I stood flabbergasted. My pride and self-esteem was deflating. As soon as I saw Logan opening his locker, I started to regain my strength. Logan! Logan took a few backward steps away from his locker, laughing so adorably with Rich while moving. I have no idea why, but he did. Logan didn’t realize he was blocking the path to an irate Steven. He didn’t see the hand when it fully pulled his golden blonde hair.
“OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY YOU DIRTY PIECE OF TRAILER TRASH!!!!”
The son of a bitch released him but not without a hard pull to the floor, and Logan falling over. It followed with a big laughing orgy and assholes pointing their fingers at him.
While most were their laughing at his demise, I just stood there, in shock, I was heartbroken. My eyes dilated and my breath faltered. My heart ripped in two the minute I saw his misty eyes and his crimson cheeks. Rich helped him up and started to cuss and shout at everyone laughing at Logan.
The odd thing about it all is that it looked like he didn’t give a damn. He just kept his head low onto his locker, and waited, waited until the laughter and sneering was all over.
Oh my God, poor Logan! I wanted to go over there, punch the shit out of every dick laughing at him, and give him a hug. Screw the hug, I wanted to go and kiss him, tell him everything will be okay.
By the time the crowd was done enjoying the fruits of somebody else’s misery, Logan and Rich both went inside the bathroom. There was only about ten minutes before the bell rang, I should head to class. Ha! Guess where I went. Yep, I went to the bathroom as well.
I hid behind the wall entering the bathroom and listened closely to what I wanted to hear.
Can someone kill me please?
That’s all I thought of as Rich kept wiping my face with a wet towel. He was also stroking the hairs that son of a bitch pulled. I could’ve braced for it, something like this always happen at least once every two months or so. I was caught off guard, that’s what hurt the most. That and Brendan seeing me get treated like some dog.
“He saw it you know.” He didn’t say anything, he knew.
He said and nodded.
“I know… I’m sorry. About the plastic knife I put on your locker. It wasn’t a great idea.” He said with tears on his eyes. “It’s okay. Guess the laws of the land say I should stay the hell away from the halls when the King appears.” We both laughed at the weak joke. Hey, no one ever said I was a comedian. I’m in the school choir okay, not the comedy club. The mood quickly changed after that. I sighed as he again stroked the back of my head.
“I just can’t believe my fucking luck. From finding out I’m a soup kitchen rat to Boehner’s personal punching bitch. What’s next for Brendan to find out about me? Oh God, I fucking hate my life.”
That’s it, I couldn’t hold it anymore. The tears sprang out of my eyes, my hands punching the nearest bathroom stall multiple times. My hands started to hurt but I couldn’t stop, I wanted this pain to stop, this pain of feeling like dirt, letting people step all over me. To know you will never get what you want. Knowing that the one you love just looks at you like what you truly are, a pathetic piece of trailer trash.
“I love him Rich. I love him so much. I love him like no other and it breaks me inside knowing I can never tell him my feelings. I hate how it feels, I hate it so much. You don’t know how it feels to be me. I have nothing to my name, I’m gay, and to have this hole in my heart where you know damn well no one can fix it.”
Any feeling a self-loathing and resentment over my own self was quickly gone when Rich, my one true friend broke away my weaknesses and embraced me. It was so alluring and helpful. II let out a soft sob. He just held me tighter, I loved it. I inhaled his scent, he has the sort of scent that has always calmed me, make me feel whole.
I embrace him canlı poker oyna for who knows how long really. It was just a serene and beautiful moment. We were locked, time stood still for us. I couldn’t help it but I kissed him on the mouth. “I’m sorry. I just had to do that.” I told him followed with a little sniffle. “It’s okay,” he has this blank smile on his face “I admit it’s kind of cool when it’s not me initiating a kiss on the mouth.”
We both jumped a little when the bell finally rang. I give him a brief hug and looked squarely at his big blue eyes, blue eyes that looked at me so tenderly, with loving passion. “Thank you so much for being with me Rich. I love you so much,” I say lovingly, reaching for his hand and slightly kissing it.
“Alright bitch, let’s get your emotional ass to class, I’m gonna have to take you now that you’re target number one for all those rich assholes in school.”
A big hand landed on my hand while sitting down in the lunchroom. “What’s up trailer trash?” A group of students following the kid with the big hand laughed loudly. I roll my eyes, knowing by many years of experience it will all die down.
Sure enough they leave and I’m stuck thinking of ways to the big case in hand, my family’s economic state. I’m eighteen; there is no use for me in that house. My mom can’t handle taking care of two kids. I only have to thank God that I graduate in four months. I already have everything planned out now that I’m almost out of school.
“I know what you’re thinking about trick. It isn’t healthy for people to think so much,” said Rich through bites of his hot dog.
“Says the kid who dies his hair black and uses eyeliner religiously. That shit could damage your hair.” He rolls his eyes and changes the subject.
“I know that you think you’re a burden to your mom now that they cut food funds for your family. It doesn’t have to be that way.”
I know where this is going, it makes my stomach drop all the time.
“You know Logan, you are eighteen. You are a beautiful, strong individual. The strongest person I have ever met, you are the most amazing person I have ever met.” My stomach began to hurt, I started to get angry. Who is he thinking I am, some whore?
“You know……there are a lot of John’s out there who will love 18 year olds like you…..for the right price.” What the hell is going on today!? First I get harassed by some elitist asshole and now my best friend is trying to persuade me to become some whore. I may be poor but I will never stoop that low as to be some trick.
I was enraged, my face was crimson red, and I was gritting my teeth. I looked at him with angry eyes. “Who do you think I am?” I growled deeply.
“Look Logan, I know what you’re thinking,” oh really it really doesn’t look like it “but please hear me out.” I started to scratch the plastic chair. God, I started to get a headache.
“These men will pay a generous amount. You may think that they are old, fat men but they aren’t. Some are really respectful very handsome men, men who like young guys like you.”
I gave him a nasty glance, he looked hurt and tried to finish but was faltering. “I’m only trying to help you. These guys will pay for all of it, they will pay for the hotel, and they will pay for room service. The only thing they want is one night with you and that is it.”
I didn’t say anything just looked at him through my angry, hurt eyes. His facial expression was hurt and on the verge of tears. “Can you at least let me tell you how much they will give you? The money can really help you and you’re family. God knows it’s helped me.”
I stared off into space, I couldn’t believe it. My one and only best friend would sell me like that. I didn’t know how long I was quiet. All I heard were the faint talk of students talking to each other. I looked around, turning my eyes from a sad Rich to the man of my dreams.
I saw Brendan sitting down in the lucrative elite table along with Ms. Audrey, Steve and the rest of the rich golden kids. It almost breaks my heart the way Brendan is affectionately playing with Audrey’s blonde hair. Her head lies on his shoulder while he would occasionally land his beautiful full lips on her head.
They really are beautiful together. Who would blame them? They both won Homecoming court and are on full route on winning Prom. They are like royalty in this school and no one, not even a mere peasant like me, will break them. It almost breaks my heart how happy they are. I come to realize that I will never be able to have what I want in life. What he sees in me and what I see in him are two totally different perspectives that I will have to live with.
Damn it! I need to stop looking at him before my sanity falls along with what I say next!
“So, how much are we talking about?”
I pull up to my house, not caring about anything in the world other than what I heard Logan say in the bathroom. He loves me? Logan Hoekstra loves internet casino me, WHAT? I think I’m regretting now following Logan and emo freak to the bathroom. I heard him cry his heart out for his affections towards me. The least I wanted was to make him cry. I wanted to make him happy, not feel remorse.
I dragged my resentful ass inside the lavish mansion that my dad bought when I was barely five. It really is a catch, but I don’t want to talk about it. All I want to do is go to my room and find ways of getting Logan out of my mind. I dragged myself through the large corridor to the stairs when the head maid (yes, we have more than two maids, don’t ask!) appeared out of nowhere.
Err! I really, really hate that lady.
“Hello Mr. Houghton, would you like some lunch?” she had an arrogance in her expression.
“NO! Now stay the fuck away from me before I get your ass fired and get you and your damn family deported!” Guess, who she’s staying away from, she knows I don’t like her.
After I told the head maid to beat it, I headed to my room for a little thinking. My room, it’s the only place in this God forsaken world where I have some peace. I don’t have to worry about no rugby or lacrosse match here. There’s no worrying about any amateur movie director contests (which I always win) here or going to some special ‘Vote for GOP Candidate Tend Laurie for Senator’ luncheon or worrying about Audrey, or Maya, or even Steven for that matter. So why is it that I feel so different now when I go anywhere around my room?
‘Two words idiot: Logan Hoekstra.’
I look out my balcony and stare at the calm waters of Lake Michigan. In the summertime I would always use my dad’s yacht to use as a way to entertain myself. Not so fun doing anything in the winter unless you like fishing.
The only thing left to do is just watch television on the new Samsung flat screen but even that has its perks. My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier by the second. I flipped myself over, as I always do, the way I always rest myself. As I found myself falling asleep I glanced at the three pictures perched on my clock desk. One of my parents, the other having Audrey’s graduation photo. The last is a big portrait with the inside holding a small photo of a fifteen year old kid with board shorts, an arm length shirt and a skateboard in hand. Even though I’m weary I knock the portrait on the floor, as I always do. It somehow always ends up back to my desk.
I begin to feel the hands of someone shaking me to wake up. I retaliate with a grunt. “I’m sorry for waking you Mr. Houghton. But, your parents want to talk to you.” It was the head maid’s son, Diego. He looked frightened, almost wishing he didn’t wake me. I knew right away his mother had told him about the little incident. “Err…thanks Diego.” He didn’t respond, he just blushed and flashed of the room.
I went to the downstairs dining room table to see a full Mexican cuisine there. My parents were quietly eating; I just quietly scooted a chair and sat, yawning.
“Brendan, where are the manners. Honestly it feels like you were raised by street mongers,” said my mother in a professional but dowdy manner. My dad didn’t give a rats ass, whatever my mom said, he did. She never made him do bad stuff, just the minor things like taking your child places he has no business going, like soup kitchens, that’s all.
“Sorry I just had a crappy day at school. That’s all,” I didn’t feel like talking anymore, so I grubbed down on some enchiladas. “I heard Boehner’s son was accepted to Princeton, is that true?” And it begins…
“I guess. But who really cares, with his alcoholic streak, there’s enough time for him to shoot himself on his own foot and its goodbye scholarship.” I hope that’ll shut her up.
“Brendan, you of all people should be happy for him.”
“Mom, you know how I feel about him.” I never get how she can become the best child psychologist in Grand Rapids but be a total idiot with her only child.
“Well at least he knows how to finish his duties in a punctual fashion. You have twenty more hours of service to do. Care to tell me how it will be done.” Will I shutting your trap for you be worth three hours worth of service hours? What about me desperately falling for a poor blonde with little curls at the end, is that worth the other eighteen?
“I don’t know right now, I will find how to finish the rest.” After my statement, the table was, to my amazement, very quiet. After dinner I remained in my room, doing my homework and of course thinking about Logan.
Shit, I was falling for him. I didn’t know what to do. Fuck the homework I told myself and went back to bed. The portrait of the 15 year old was still on the floor. The last vision in my eyes was the big green eyes that did not belong to Audrey but to Logan.
I arrived at school the same as the day before, tired and early as fuck. This time whoever I waited on my car until I saw Logan. God, he looked so adorable. He looked miserable, no doubt, but to me he is still a very beautiful young man. His rosy pink cheeks make him look so adorable it’s so painful to watch. It’s also painful to remember the things he said in the bathroom.
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