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Author’s note:

This story has a strong BDSM feel, but in a “sensual femdom” style. Which means that the female character does take control, but there are no chains, no whips, and no pain either.

The story deals mostly with teasing and cum control, not the orgasm denial in the usual BDSM sense, but just the control of when and how. If this is not your thing, please, move on.

A big THANK YOU goes to TANSTAAFL58 for encouraging me to write and for editing this story.


My first love. My only love. This is the story of us finding our way back together.


We used to date our junior year, then fell apart. After college we moved in the opposite directions — I went to grad school in Maryland, you took a job in Oregon. But a year ago we both found ourselves back in Boston. We met for coffee. Then for a movie. Then there was a party date. And then you tried to pick up where we left it all those years ago.

But time did not stand still for me. In college I was a timid girl, happy to be hugged and kissed. You were my first real boyfriend, but I did not like fucking much, cuddling felt much better.

Since then I discovered that I preferred to be the one in control. Not to leave it to a chance, but to decide on my own when it was time for cuddles, when I wanted to be fucked, or when I was going to be the one doing the fucking. Or teasing, turns out I like that the best.

And you… How do I bring this up with a man I loved a long time ago? You were taking me home after a party, there was a mess of hands and lips on the back seat of a cab, and then we were standing at my door. Kissing. I did not want to let you go and you did not want to leave. I fumbled for the keys. Somehow we got to the fourth floor without waking up the neighbours, opened the door, and…

And then it hit me. Clair, what are you doing?? You can’t let this happen! You two are going to kiss your way to the bed, the clothes will be pulled off and then what? You will just lay under him and pretend to enjoy it? Fake an orgasm? Go back to being that sad and frustrated woman you were for a few years after college when you went through quite a few guys not finding any joy in sex?

Or are you going to be you, the real you? The one that knows exactly what she wants, when, and how. That derives great joy from the control. That loves giving pleasure that most men don’t even know exists — the pleasure of complete submission to another.

I had to stop him before it was too late, before we went back to what we were before and ruined any chance of staying together. So, I did the only thing I could possibly do:


I put all the power and steel I could possibly master in that one short word.

And you… reacted! You immediately stopped and let me go. Hands limp at your sides, you looked confused: “Why? What’s wrong? Don’t you want this? Don’t you want … me?”

“I do! I do want you, but… not like this.”

I looked around the room. I knew what I needed to do, but did not want to scare you with my chest of toys. A scarf! That will do.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I? Are you in trouble or something?”

“No, not that. Do you trust me not to hurt you?”

“Hurt me? How? What are you talking about?”

Oh, my, you had no idea! Well, you either were going to run or not, I did not really have much say in that.

“Come here, baby. I am going to tie a scarf over your eyes. Then I am going to take you by the hand, lead you to my bed, undress you, and lay you down. I will tie your hands to the headboard with another scarf and then we will have sex. This is what I am talking about.

Now, DO you trust me not to hurt you?”

You looked stunned. You tried to say something, but the words would not come out. And then… yenibosna escort Then you did something I would not have expected in a million years. Very slowly you kneeled in front of me, put your hands behind your back and looked up at me.

“Yes, I do trust you. Always had, always will. I just did not know how to tell you that I was dreaming about this day for the past six years. What should I call you?”

“Clair, just Clair. I am still the same girls you knew in college, I was Clair then, I am still her now.”

I took a wide winter scarf from the coat closet and brought it back to you.

“Here. Not too tight?”

“Just perfect…Ms. Clair.”

I laughed: “OK, OK, “Ms. Clair” it is. Now get up!”

I took you by the hand. Somehow that simple touch felt completely different, but then it always did when I was in control. You felt it too, a shiver went through you body.

One step, another. It is hard to walk without seeing, but you managed not to stumble.

We stopped by the bed.

“I am going to unbutton your shirt, then take it off. Don’t move, just stand still.”

One button, another, … The shirt opened up and I could not stop myself — I leaned in, kissed your throat and slowly kissed my way down. All the way to your belt.

You put your hands on your buckle, about to open it.


Your hands dropped back to your sides.

“What did I tell you? I am going to undress you, not you. Hands behind your back, please… Good. Now keep them there. Can you do that?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

So it is Ma’am now, not Ms. Clair? OK, I can live with that.

I did not want to rush it, after all, there is only one first time for everything and this was our first time. The first time we were doing it my way. I slid my hands under the open shirt and put them on your shoulders — you were so tense! Maybe not afraid, but not relaxed in the least either.

I stepped even closer, my clothed breasts touching you. I remembered that your neck was your weak spot, so that looked like a good place to start. A kiss, a lick, a soft bite, move a fraction of an inch and start over — a kiss, a lick, a soft bite.. You moaned, your throat vibrating under my lips.

Yes, baby, feels good, doesn’t it? Without stopping my slow progress across your neck, I opened your shirt wider and moved it off your shoulders. Lower, lower, now it was hanging only on the cuffs and your linked in the hands. Perfect. Right where I want it to be.

I stepped back and you gave out another moan. The one of disappointment? Anguish? Already? I have not even started yet! Looks like patience is not your virtue.

“I am right here, baby,” one hand on your chest, another on your belt.

You belly tightened up, showing off nice muscles. Belt undone, I pulled on it, getting it out of the loops. Nice heavy leather… will look good around your wrists. But that could wait, I wanted to get you naked first. I could see your hard shape through your jeans, so could not stop myself from caressing it. Just a light touch through all the fabric, but your gasp told me just how exited this all was making you.

Let’s turn up the heat a little. I stepped behind you, placed my palms on your chest and raised on my tip toes.

“Please, kick off your shoes,” I whispered in your ear.

You had to lean back into me for balance, with your hands still behind your back, trapped between us, you did not have much of a choice. And that was exactly where I wanted you — looking at me for support, for balance.

Shoes off, you steadied yourself.

I slowly slid my hands lower and lower over your belly, I got to your jeans waistband and pulled them down, crouching behind you. They pooled at your feet.

“Step back out of them. Don’t worry, I’ve got you,”

I stood up and again hugged you from behind. zeytinburnu escort Then stepped back, extending my arms. Shakingly, you stepped out of your pants. You could not see, so I had to guide you, pulling you back into me.

True to yourself, you still favoured the same underwear — white cotton Calvin Klein briefs. They looked good on you, at least from the behind. I was sure that in the front your cock couldn’t possibly be comfortable in its tight confinement.

But you could wait a little longer, first I needed to get rid of that shirt. Will you behave and keep your hands to yourself?

I kneeled behind you and took your left hand in both of mine. That hand, I remembered it so well! I loved to cuddle next to you on the couch while you were watching some sport channel. I would take you hand, bring it my lips and slowly kiss each finger up and down. I think you liked it too, usually you wouldn’t let me finish and we end up entangled with a forgotten game as a background noise.

Let’s try this again. I brought your hand to my mouth and kissed just the fingertip of your index finger. You answered with a long low moan. Did you remember or did it really feel so good? I will ask you later, more kissing for now. I moved my lips over your fingers, kissing, sucking, licking.

While my left hand was holding yours, my right worked on your cuff button. Done. I let go of your hand, pulled the sleeve off, and placed your hand at your side.

Now the other hand. Kissing, sucking, button, sleeve… This time I did not have to place your hand, you knew what to do. You were a quick learner!

Almost there! I took you by the hand and led the last two steps to the bed.

“Turn around and sit down. Now sit down, there is a bed behind you.”

You tried to feel it with your hands first.


You stopped moving, not understanding my reaction.

“Don’t move your arms, don’t step further back. Just sit. The bed is just an inch behind you, you can’t miss it. Do you trust me?”

This was the first test. Did you really trust me? Or was just an easy thing to say when there was nothing to test that trust on?

You stood still for a second, then bend your knees and sat safely down. At least you trusted me that much.

“Give me your foot,” I pulled your sock off.

“The other one,” done.

“Now lay down and move to the center.”

You wiggle your way across the unseen bed and settled down.

“Move a bit lower, you will need space above your head.”

Now, where was that belt? It was time to use it. Oh, there it was. I picked up the belt and climbed on the bed as well.

“Give me your hands, both of them. Bring your wrists together… yes, like that. Now hold still.”

I wrapped the belt around your wrists and secured the end. It would not hold if you really wanted to get out, but I did not think you would even try. Plus, I knew that this setup was not going to hold, you did not. And that all that really mattered.

“Now put your hands above your head.”

I took a rope that was hanging behind my bed, threaded it behind the belt, and then wrapped it few times around the slats of the headboard. Done!

“Try to pull. Can you bring your hands down?”

You tried to move, there was some give, but not much.

“How does it feel? Not too tight?”

You shook your head.

I looked you over. You looked the same, but different. More man than a boy now, you have grown some chest hair, your muscles where more defined. Right, you mentioned your gym a few times and that really showed.

There was just the last piece of clothing left — your briefs. But for that I wanted to be able to see your face the moment you were completely naked in front of me.

“Raise up your head, please.” I asked softly.

You did. I pulled of the scarf off and kissed your acıbadem escort still closed warm eyes.

“Hi there.”

You looked at me with a mixture of amusement and admiration.

“How are you doing? Are you OK with this?”

“Yes… Ms. Clair. I am much more than OK. Thank you.”

“For what? What are you thanking me for?”

“For seeing me. For seeing who I am and what I need. I … I dreamed about giving up control for so long, even tried it a few times, but it never worked. I could not do it, no matter how hard I tried. With you…today… I did not have to try at all, it just happened. Thank you!”

I’ve never seen you this emotional before. Even when you told me you loved me, you were more composed than now. There were tears glistering in your eyes. I kissed them again and tasted salt.

“We will be good together, you will see. We were good even then, when we did not know any better, but now… Now it will be wonderful, ” I kissed you your lips and before you had a chance to respond moved away.

Last piece of clothing, your white briefs, it was time. I moved lower on the bed and placed both hands on the elastic then looked at you. Without needing to be asked, you arched you back and I pulled the briefs down, finally freeing your cock.

It sprang up and made a wet sound, when it plopped on your stomach. We both laughed.

“Lay back, relax. Let’s play a little game called “you are not allowed to cum”. If you feel you are too close, let me know and I will stop for a minute, then go back to it.”

You looked puzzled. You did not ask anything, but it looked like you were not convinced.

“Why would you want me to stop? Because if you don’t, there will be a punishment… Let’s see… I think, if you cum without permission, I will just continue stroking you. You always become so sensitive when you cum, but your hands are tied, there is not much you can do, if I decide not to stop, but stroke you to a second orgasm instead.

Don’t worry, I will let you cum. Eventually. I am just not sure when. But you are a big boy, you can take it.”

The understanding started to show on your face. And a bit of worry, you were not quite sure if you could do it. Well, you did not have much choice, except to try.

“Don’t you love the feel of my hand on your cock? My fingers on your balls? You are getting so hard, your balls are so heavy in my hand, so full.”

You had never heard me talk like this. Not exactly a dirty talk, but much more explicit than you ever got from me.

“Let me add a little lube. Oh, what is that? You are disappointed, that I let you go? That’s OK, I will be back, just need to get lube from the other room. This will give you a chance to calm down a bit.”

I hopped off the bed and went to the bathroom to get a bottle of KY. Don’t even ask why it was there, it just was.

“Here we are. Look at that! All that pre-cum dripping down! Looks like I wouldn’t need any lube at all. But let’s still use it, I want to try something different. How does that feel when the palm of my hand pressing down and polishing your dark read glans?”

“Stop.. Clair, please, stop!”

“Stop? Yes, I will stop. I will do even better than that. How about if I squeeze the very base of your cock. Just two fingers, no palm.” I held the base of you cock in a tight grip for a few seconds.

“Did that help? Can we go on?”

You just nodded.

“Good boy, always ready for more.”

Here we go again. And again. And again…

You were shaking.

“Please… please…”

“Is there something you need to tell me? Is it time for a break? No? Your begging is sweet, but it is not going to get you anywhere…”

Suddenly your hips moved and you tried to get that much needed speed.

“Stop that! No humping into my hand! I am driving, not you! Lay still! Good boy, yes, just like that.”

Poor baby, you were sweating all over. How will my tongue on your nipple feel? Too much?

“Please… stop… Ma’am! I am going to cum!”

No, I was not going to stop; it was time.

“You can cum now. Go, baby! Give it to me! Let me suck it out of you, all to the last drop.”

Thank you for this gift. Thank you for being you, for trusting me, for giving yourself to me. Thank you, my love.

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