Amber Ch. 03

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******

My heart is beating a million miles per hour. My breath is coming out in short gasps and I have to wrap my hands around myself to keep them from shaking. I feel a slight headache forming and my stomach growls.

I’m looking out the window but I’m not seeing anything. It is midnight black out side and there are no streetlights on this lonely back road. The guy next to me tries not to notice my fidgeting but hasn’t turned the pages on his book in the last half hour. If he tries talking to me I know I will break down and I can’t call that much attention to myself on the bus. I pretend not to hear him when he asks me if I’m okay. I continue to stare out into the night with a blank stare for the next fifteen minutes.

I look down at my watch and hug myself tighter. I’m too late.

If I lose her I don’t know what I will do. My heart contracts again and I suck in a breath. Get a grip, I silently tell myself. I’m so close already to being there already. I can’t lose my composure now.

Only two more stops and I’ll be by her side again

******

“Only two more days and I’ll be right next you again!” Stacy says on the other line. I can tell she’s distracted but she does sound excited. I smile a little remembering how nice it was to have my mom over for last week and now Stacy gets to come back this week. The summer is almost over and I am so stressed about my last two exams. Scar does her best to cheer me up but she knows a visit from my mom and Stacy always does the trick. Ever since Dani left that night, Scar has been trying to make it up to me with small gestures. I assure her that I am not mad at her, but she still feels responsible. I wonder if she asked Dani to come that night? Maybe all of my tears were finally wearing her down. I shake the thoughts from my mind.

Stacy doesn’t say anything after a while. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I shuffle through my index cards and try to memorize the next one on my lap. I groan when I get it wrong.

“Have you seen Scar lately?” I know this is why she called all along. I don’t know if they are on good terms, and I can’t add another thing to stress about at the moment.

“No, I told you she’s on a work trip. Said she will be back next week.” I don’t mention that a very big scary guy, who calls himself Q, has taken her place while she’s gone. He doesn’t let me leave the house without good reason, but I honestly never want to go out unless it has do with school stuff or tutoring.

“Do you know what she does?” This is the first time she’s trying to fish for information through me. She knows I like to stay on neutral ground so if she’s asking me for some dirt, it’s probably not good.

I am relieved that I can finally be completely honest with her. Any time she asks about Dani or Ricky or why I am here I have to tread lightly and recount the same story I told her the first time. It’s all starting to become a little too much, on top of worrying about school. “I honestly have no idea.” I read through a couple of more index cards. I blow a curl out of my face.

“Dani doesn’t know either.”

I grind my teeth at the mention of her name.

Stacy seems to snap out of her trance. “Shit, sorry! I forgot.” I push her apologies away. And try to change the subject but she interrupts me. “She’s in bad shape, Amber. What happened between you guys?”

My heart skips a beat but I shake my head. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

Stacy pouts. “Is this what my relationship with Scar will end up like?”

I sigh. “Of course not, Scar really cares about you. If she’s not calling you it is probably because she is really busy working.”

“Dani cares a lot about you too.” She tries again.

“She left me!” I blurt out in anger. Hot tears are on the verge of falling. It has been two months since I last saw her and I am just now remembering what it is like to have a life without her.

“Oh, sweetie I’m so sorry.” I shrug away her pity.

“I gotta go. I have a big exam tomorrow. Good night.”

******

I rush to the bathroom to throw up.

This is the last stop before I get to my destination. My stomach is in knots and I’m mostly just dry heaving but I feel sick. I try not to replay the conversation I overheard with Scar last night, but it’s hard.

‘It’s too dangerous.’ Her tone is worried. She’s on the phone, standing near the window looking out into the night. There is a long pause. ‘Vegas? Why Vegas? Do you think he knows she’s is here?’ More silence. ‘Yeah I have the address here in front of me. Tomorrow at 9pm, I know. You know I will take care of her if anything happens to you’.

I knew deep in my gut she was talking to Dani. She left the piece of paper on the table and stepped out to the backyard to make a couple of more calls. I burned the address to memory and hurried upstairs to pack a bag.

Now here I am, worried sick, trying to Ataşehir Escort get to Dani before 9. Whatever she has planned sounds dangerous. I don’t care if she wants me to stay away and stay safe; I have to make sure she is safe. I hear the bus give a warning of its departure and run out of the bathroom after washing my mouth. The guy who sits next to me looks relieved when he sees me.

******

The next year goes by in a blur. Stacy and Scar have their ups and downs and I try to stay out of it. Stacy’s stubborn will and Scar’s deep feelings for her make them seem invincible, but all of the lies and secrecy on Scar’s behalf always get in the way. I’ve tried straying on neutral ground but hate to see Stacy so upset. I urge Scar to be as honest as she can without putting Stacy’s life in danger, and she tries but I know it is like pulling teeth with her. Scar can go hours without talking and Stacy doesn’t stop talking until someone tells her to. I’m just happy Stacy visits every other month and I finally feel like my life is starting to feel normal again.

I don’t think about Pete that much. If I ever do it is because I am scared for Dani. I know I am safe here under Scar’s care. She has this overprotective shield that follows me even when she is not around. I no longer look behind me when I’m out alone, which is not often. I have made some friends who like to grab drinks sometimes but I usually never talk to them after the semester is over. And while I have had people show interest in me, I can’t stomach the thought of being with anyone, not now at least. I wonder is Dani is back to screwing Kara in her living room.

Roger is my mom’s new best friend and she relies on him for everything, which makes me content. I trust Roger and know that he will take care of my mom better than I can. She also visits me more frequently and I always feel my spirits rise when she is around. Though, any time she mentions Dani I have to force a smile on my face and play along. I want to tell her that truth; Dani wants nothing to do with me just so she could at least stop talking about her. I know as soon as I say anything, she will stop letting Dani come over and push Roger away. I need her to be safe now more than ever. I can’t have her putting herself in danger because of my unfortunate relationship with Dani.

I’ve made a few friends but the most consistent one has been Kevin. When I first met Kevin I was weary of his upfront demeanor. It took him many many small talks before and after each lecture for me to warm up to him. He is on top of everything and organized. I need to be like that. I have to admit he is not bad looking, I’m just not interested and I let him know upfront. He seems to understand that sometimes, other times he just compliments me until I’m three different shades of pink. I mostly keep him around because he’s the most knowledgeable guy I have met here. He basically got me through the last year. Scar is not a big fan, but I never ask for her opinion.

I am passing all of my classes with flying colors even with my lack of sleep. Nights are the worst for me. The night Dani left my room, encouraging me to forget her, was the last night I woke up yelling her name. There is still nights that I wake up crying but I no longer call for her. On nights where my body yearns for her, I lie awake for hours trying to get any images of us out of my head and my heart. Slowly but surely I feel the wound begin to heal. Time and distance working it’s magic.

Scar tries to help me as much as she can and I appreciate her support. Stacy still talks to Dani but she promises me she will never tell Dani anything about my current life. I try to get the same promise out of Scar but she will not promise anything. Scar is getting paid to take care of me and keeping Dani up to date on my life is part of her job. I find it harder to confide in her knowing anything I say will reach Dani’s ears. She notices the change in our relationship but doesn’t push.

***

Scar decides to take me out to eat for my one-year anniversary here. I decline, wanting to stay in and relax. Classes will start again soon and this past semester was the toughest one yet. She doesn’t really give me a choice and before I know it I am walking into one of the nicer restaurants in town. I order a fancy version of chicken and waffles and Scar decides on a nice piece of steak. Ever since Pete ate that across from me a year ago, I stayed away from it. I try not to think about that while we eat.

She orders us a round of long islands.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” We only get these when we want to get super drunk super quick.

“Maybe,” Her gray eyes are smiling and I turn my head to the side. “You need to have a little fun.”

“Well two more of those and I’ll be on my ass.” I giggle. “My tolerance level is almost non existent now.” I have to stay away from drinks to keep my thoughts away from Dani.

She doesn’t heed my warning and I’m on my fourth one by the time I can’t feel my face. I lightly touch Ataşehir Escort Bayan my cheek and run a hand through my long strawberry blonde curls. “I think I should dye my hair.” I’m smiling like an idiot trying to imagine what color would look best on me.

Scar almost spits out her drink. “Dani would-” She stops herself and takes another sip.

My smile disappears and I sit up straighter. I rub my lips together, but don’t feel anything. “I’m thinking a nice burgundy color would suit me.” I try to be playful again but my heart is beating erratically at the thought of Dani. Being drunk makes it harder for me to keep her out of my head. A warm feeling spreads through my lower belly as I remember her firm grip on my fiery locks as she kisses my neck. My cheeks turn a darker shade.

“I don’t think that is a good idea.” Scar takes the rest of my drink away.

“You wanted to get me drunk, now I’m drunk. Now I want to dye my hair.” I ask for the check and chug the rest of my drink as Scar looks down at her phone. She seems to be texting something urgent. I guess I am going to be a stubborn drunk tonight.

Scar turns left as we leave the restaurant. I turn right. My goal is to make it to the nearby convenience store and buy at least two boxes of the nicest burgundy hair dye they have. I feel something tug on my white blouse, which stops me from moving.

“What are you doing?” The house is this way.”

I turn to look at her. I have to look up. “I am going to dye my hair. Weren’t you there for that conversation?” It’s hard to focus on her concerned gray eyes.

“Okay, we can do it tomorrow if you’re still up for it.” She’s talking to me like I have hearing problems.

“I think I am capable of doing it tonight, thank you.” I giggle at the sound of my voice. I turn again but Scar yanks me back, making my stumble.

Her phone rings. “Shit.” She curses as she looks down at it.

“What?” I look down at her phone and see Dani’s name. My heart drops, so does my jaw.

She motions for me to be quiet and answers the line. I want to lean in and see if I can hear her voice but she moves away. She puts her hands in her pockets and does more listening than talking. When she looks away I turn and make a run for it. Unfortunately coordination is the first thing to go when I drink. I fall forward and scrape my hands against the sidewalk. I hear Scar curse behind me and try to help me up.

“Ow.” I say and grimace at the small drops of blood on my hands.

“She’s here, she’s okay. She just tripped.” Scar says through the line. She pauses and looks at me, trying to make sure I am okay. “Are you sure?”

She hands me the phone after a second. I look down at it confused. Through my drunken haze I feel nervous at the prospect of hearing her voice.

“Sunshine?” I jump at the sound. Her tone is deep and comforting just like I remembered. “Are you okay?”

“Dani?” I gasp.

“I hope you’re not giving Scar a hard time, you’ve been doing so well.”

I shake my head to try and clear it. The drinks are hitting me though and I can’t sober up quick enough. I don’t have anything quick or clever to say so I stay quiet, trying to make sure that I remember this conversation tomorrow.

“Now what is this I’m hearing that you want to dye your beautiful hair?” Her tone if playful but strained as well. Dani hasn’t contacted me in months. Ever since she left my room she has been even harder to reach than before. Scar has stopped talking about her all together.

“I thought burgundy would suit me.” I don’t sound so sure now.

“I love your strawberry blonde hair though.”

“You do?” I sound like a child, insecure and ready to please.

“I do, so please don’t do that.”

I nod slowly then remember she can’t hear me. “Okay.”

“Now, stay safe and listen to Scar.” She says. I don’t know why but that makes me incredibly sad and I start to cry.

I hand Scar back her phone and walk away from the restaurant. I brush the dirt and blood from my hands against my jeans. My heart is filled with joy and hurt and I feel the tears rolling down my face. It has been so long since I heard her voice. And as if no time passed at all I am bending over backwards for her. I can’t help but feel like it is worth it though. I got to hear her chuckle and husky voice if even for a couple of seconds. It is the most alive I have felt in a while. Just like when she first stepped into my life.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was going to do that.” Scar is walking next to me.

“It’s okay.” I brush the last tear away.

******

I take a deep breath and force my tears to stay at bay.

It is a quarter past nine when the bus pulls into Vegas.

There are so many bright lights and a ridiculous amount of tourist and locals walking around. I’m pushed a couple of times and decide to step away from the sidewalk. I look around trying to gather my surroundings but the noises, lights, and smells become sensory overload. The last time Escort Ataşehir I was here there wasn’t a race against time and I was nervous for completely a different reason. The stranger that sat next to me on the bus is frowning as he walks towards me.

“Are you okay? Do you know where you’re going?”

I step back and feel my eyes widen. “Um” I lick my lips and look around again. I blurt out the address Scar wrote down on the yellow piece of paper, hoping he can give me some direction.

He nods and points to a general area, it seems to be away from all the lights and glamor.

“I can take you there if you’d like?”

“No!” I lower my voices “No, thank you.” The thought of dragging a stranger into this makes me want to throw up again. I begin to walk away but he follows.

“You’re not from around here and the area that you’re going to is really dangerous. Please, let me at least drop you off. I have a cab waiting for me.”

I wring my hands together and see the time in one of the flashing billboards. I am so late. I nod hurriedly and follow him to the cab. “I have to get to her soon” I say to myself.

“Who?” He asks once we’re inside the cab.

******

“Danielle Rose,” My professor looks up the picture being projected onto the whiteboard. “One of the youngest self made millionaire, even though I think she is close to a billion now.”

My heart stops for second, and then it starts to beat erratically against my rib cage. At first I become paranoid and look around to see if someone knows about my connection to Dani. Half the class is writing down every word Mrs. Holmes is saying and the other half is ready to leave. There are only five minutes left before we’re dismissed.

I look back at the board and see Dani looking back at me with a slight smile on her face. Her light freckles are barely noticeable and her blue eyes, which I know have yellow specs, are holding me in place. Her short black hair is swept to one side; she obviously had no reason to run her hands through it then. She’s wearing one of her navy blue suits and looks beautiful. The photographer did a great job capturing her self-confidence through the lens. I feel my palms get sweaty. The girl next to me, Lisa, leans in.

“She’s hot.” She gushes.

I cough a little and will away the blush creeping into my cheeks.

“She is opening up a restaurant in Vegas tomorrow night. Since it is only an hour away I highly encourage you all to drop by before our next lecture. Anyone who writes a five hundred word essay, on how she has become so successful at her age and how her new restaurant is fairing, will get five extra points added to their final paper.” When she finishes she turns off the projector and dismisses us.

The image of Dani smirking at me is burned on the back of my eyelids.

“Hey, do you want to go tomorrow?” Lisa is packing her bag next to me. She doesn’t notice my internal dilemma.

And risk running into the one person in this whole universe that has avoided having any type of connection to me? I disregard the fact that she talked to me when I wanted to dye my hair in a drunken haze. “I don’t know if I can make it tomorrow, but I definitely need those five points so maybe next Tuesday?” Hopefully Dani will be gone by then. My heart jumps at the thought of seeing her again.

Lisa nods and heads to her next class.

I sit there staring at the blank whiteboard.

******

I’m staring blankly ahead, barely breathing.

“Are you sure you gave me the right address?” The guy next to me asks for the second time. I didn’t even catch his name.

“Yes”

The taxi keeps driving past the safe looking areas towards some darker questionable places. Hookers are hanging around drug dealers. Street lamps are almost non-existent. Anyone walking around right now is fully aware of the danger they are putting themselves in. My heart has not stopped beating like I am running, and the fear creeping into my stomach is not helping. Unlike the guy next to me, I don’t care about my safety. I just want to get there in time and the clock says we’re thirty minutes too late.

“Can you please go any faster?” I ask the cab driver.

He seems annoyed and doesn’t speed up.

“I hope they’re worth it.” The guy next to me says.

I look at him across the back seat and give me a small, hesitant smile. “She is to me.”

******

“Hello beautiful,” Kevin gives me a kiss on the cheek and sits across from me.

I brush away his compliment and take out my laptop.

“Thank you so much for meeting me!” I look through a couple of files and finally find the one I’m looking for. “I have just been out of touch with research papers since I graduated a couple of years ago. And the last papers I’ve had to write have not been this extensive.”

He runs a hand through his shoulder length brown hair and decides to put in up in a bun. He’s wearing his work attire; a gray suit with a white button up. He looks very attractive. He rolls up his sleeves, showing off his strong forearms. His light brown eyes read my screen and he rubs his lips as he focuses.

I catch myself ogling him and turn my gaze away. It has been over a year and a half since I have been intimate with anyone. My fingers, and even the small bullet vibrator in my drawer, are not enough anymore.