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My phone rang, I looked at it, it was Tyler.
“Hello, love.” I said as I picked it up. It sounds like he was crying.
“I told them,” he said in a hushed voice.
“I came out to my parents.”
My hear dropped, “Are you okay? Did they hurt you? Where are you now?” I asked in one jumbled mess.
“I’m. I’m fine. But they say I can’t see you again. They said I’m a disgrace to everything and we have to leave for a while. Were going to Seattle for a few months.”
My heart was now in my throat. “You’re leaving?”
He cried, every time he cried I wanted to die. He meant everything to me and if he hurt, I wanted to end it. Tyler is so precious to me.
“Hey now. Everything’s going to be okay,” I told him. “I love you so much, Ty.”
“I love you, too. Can I see you? Soon please.”
“Just tell me a time and place and I’ll be there.”
He was quiet for a little.
“Lilum Park. Second bench from the jungle gym around ten tonight?”
That was where I told Tyler for the first time.
“I’ll be there,” I told him. “I love you.”
“You don’t know how much I do,” he whispered. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Why was life so difficult? Why couldn’t I have been born normal? Not gay, not a homo, not a stupid fag.
But I realize that I would never have been with Jake, and he was the best thing in the world. He was the only thing that came to mind when I thought of love or beauty.
He was everything, he was kind, caring, cute, funny. My ideal loveliness. My loveliness.
I needed to see him, I had to. I’m leaving my only place of happiness, and that was in his arms.
Here in this house, it’s a prison, now I’m being transferred to hell. We were going to stay with my aunt and uncle, not Addie. I wish she was here; she would have made things different. Maybe she could have stopped me from telling.
But those soulless people drove her away. She couldn’t be with them. She had to leave, she said, “I’m done with this place Tyler. I’m going far away. I can’t deal with this and neither can you, let’s go.”
But I didn’t, I couldn’t. I had to stay.
I walked to Lilum Park and sat down on the bench. This was the place where I made the biggest mistake in my life about 7 months ago. I didn’t realize how much I loved him, how much I needed him. And now, time is cut short for us. I have to leave, I don’t know for how long, they told me to pack all my clothes. They said we were leaving for a while.
A while without my love and hope, without Jake.
I head his footsteps in the distance. He walked and sat next to me.
“Hello,” he whispered.
“Hi,” I replied. He took me into his arms. Everything felt okay there, it felt warm and safe. I felt loved for everything I am.
“Can we do something?” I asked him.
“Sure, anything you want.”
“I want you to tell me what you told me last time we where here together.”
His expression changed. “Okay, why?”
“Can we? Please? Do you remember what you said?”
“A little too clearly, yes.”
It grew quite for a while. He opened his mouth to speak.
“Tyler, I have to tell you something.”
“Tyler… I’m gaziantep escort gay.”
“That’s fine. Don’t be ashamed. You’re still my friend, nothing changes.” I had figured he was before he first told me.
“Tyler I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
This is where I change the script. I wrapped my arms around him; I looked him in his beautiful, big eyes and kissed him deeply.
I pulled away, “And that’s what I would have done, that’s what I wanted to do.”
He held me tightly in his arms, “I love you so much, Tyler.” his voice cracked.
I kissed him again and again. Small playful kisses mixed with deep intense ones.
This may be our last time together for a while.
“When are you leaving?” he asked me.
“Soon. Tomorrow or the day after.”
“For how long?”
“I have no clue, they told me to pack all my clothes but were leaving most of our stuff here.”
“So you’ll come back.”
“For you, yes. But I’m not coming back with them.”
“I don’t think I could go long without you, hell being away from you for these few hours was torture already.”
I sat quietly in his lap and played with his fingers. My head was rested on his shoulder and his arms were around me. I didn’t want to let him go.
“Did you tell anyone else?”
“Viv. That’s it,” I paused for a while. “Jake, can I ask you something?”
“Why do you love me? You could have anyone else in the world, why me?”
“I love you because you’re wonderful, Ty.”
I kissed him, “You’re too amazing. What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“I ask myself the same question. Just know something, I’ll always be right there, by your side.”
I held and kissed him for however long I could. He had to leave. I’d rather be just a friend and have him stay. At least I could be around him. He was my everything.
“What do you think about getting married?” I blurted out.
He looked at me, stunned. “We haven’t been dating for a long time.”
“But we’ve practically known each other forever.”
Tyler looked at me again, his blue eyes were watery, “I think it’s an amazing idea.”
I reached into my pocket and grabbed a the small black box. I opened it.
“Then Tyler Daniel Adams, will you marry me?”
His eyes opened in shock, “Yes.” he whispered and threw his arms around me, I slid the ring onto his finger.
He looked at it and smiled, it was a titanium band, I got a matching set at the jewelry store.
“Sorry, it’s not much. The guy said it’s perfect alternative to a diamond ring.”
“It’s perfect,” he whispered and kissed me on the lips. “I’m. This is so. I’m shocked. When did you get this?”
“After you called. I wanted to surprise you. Give you something to look forward to.”
He kissed me again. “It was more than a surprise. It’s wonderful. You’re just so amazing.”
I held him, “You’re every thing to me Ty. I love you so much.”
We sat there for a while. I just held him close to me.
“I should get going, I’m sorry.” I whispered to him. He was half asleep in my arms. He got up, sleepily. We walked to my car. “Where’d you park?” I asked.
“It’s like a fifteen minute drive from here and you walked?”
“Yeah. I was scared to take my car.”
“Let me drive you,” I said. He got in and held my hand the way there. I parked down the street like I always do.
“I’m going to miss you,” he said.
“I know, it’ll be hard being away from my fiancée, but I’ll get him back soon.”
He smiled. I kissed him deeply; this was going to be the last time in a while. He got out and waved goodbye.
I hope he’d be okay. His parents were ignorant. They’d do anything to stop him from being gay. I just hope this isn’t too serious.
I pulled into my driveway and went inside. My mom was sitting on the sofa watching TV.
“How’d it go?” she asked.
“It was hard. He has to leave tomorrow.” My mom knew everything, I didn’t even have to tell her.
“Did he say yes?” I nodded. She smiled. “I’m glad.”
I’m lucky my mom was really laid back. She supported me through everything. She’s the best. I smiled to her and walked up stairs, I took a shower and thought about Ty. He’d be home soon. Hopefully. Then we can be together. Then everything would be right. But for know, I’d wait for him. I’d hope he’d be okay. I’ll call him everyday. I just hope his parents don’t find out.
We’re leaving tomorrow, there’s no doubt about. I packed everything I needed, clothes, and shoes. Only one month, that’s the maximum I’d be gone for. I didn’t know what they were going to do to me there, all I know is that my aunt and uncle are even bigger homophobes; they sent their son to a ‘treatment camp’ and shock therapy… I’m scared to death. My cousin is long gone now, he lives in London. He spent a year there, he’s still gay. Why won’t these people learn that it’s not a disease you can make go away, it’s apart of you.
Shock therapy. It sounds barbaric. Can they do that? I didn’t even care… I just wanted to go and get whatever it is they have waiting for me over with. I just want to lay in his arms and sleep. I looked at the ring on my finger, I smiled and my heart broke.
What if I never see him again?
My throat was dry and the air felt thick. I breathed deeply and went to bed.
I couldn’t sleep all night, my mother knocked on the door.
“Tyler, get up. We’re going in an hour.” I sighed heavily and got up and dressed. I went downstairs and my dad was drinking coffee.
“Put your bags in the car.” he grunted. I walked out to the beat down truck, I put my duffle bags in and realized none of their stuff was in here. I ran back inside.
“Where’s your stuff?” I asked.
“We’re not going with you, Tyler.” my mom said to me, “We’re just dropping you off at the airport.” Her tone was flat and robotic. She didn’t even look at me. We all got into the car and drove to the airport. They went with me to the gate. They just stood there.
“So you’re sending me to therapy, huh?”
They’re expressions saddened. They looked at the floor.
“Hate me all you want, I’m not going to change, not for you, not for anyone.”
“We have to try,” she whispered.
“Try to what? Try to fix me?” I raised my voice. “I’ll show you this isn’t a choice. It’s how I was born, and once I’m back, you have no one to blame but yourselves.” I gritted my teeth. “You all are so ignorant. Being gay isn’t a sin. It is no different from being ‘straight’. I don’t know why you don’t see that. Why can’t I love who I want?”
My mom opened her mouth to speak but I turned around and went into the terminal.
The plane ride was short and smooth. I walked out and there they were in their fancy, shiny car. I got in.
“Hi Aunt Meg, Uncle Jim.” They just nodded and drove to their house. House was an understatement; it was more of a mansion. We walked in and led me to the guest room.
“You’ll be staying here,” my aunt said.
“And when are you taking me?”
“Save it, I already know.” I put my stuff on the ground and shut the door. I dialed Addie.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked worried.
“Yeah. Just got here. Bored as hell.”
“Do you want me to come get you? You don’t have to do this.”
I thought about it, it was so tempting. But I was trapped; I didn’t want to bring Addie into this.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll just talk to them tonight.”
“They don’t listen, Ty.”
“I have some good news though.”
“Jake proposed to me.” I said.
“No way! What did you say?”
“Of course I said ‘yes’, what else would I say?”
“Aw. Jake is too cute. I’m happy for you guys.”
“Thanks.” I heard footsteps, “I got to go, love you, bye.” I clicked it off and tucked my phone and ring under my pillow. There was a knock.
“We’re having lunch, Tyler. Come and join us.”
I got up and walked into the hallway and went into the dining room. There were plates set out and a whole feast. I wasn’t hungry, I just sat there.
“So how has school been Tyler?” my aunt asked me without interest.
“Fine. I’ve been taking advanced classes… They’re not too advanced, just moving faster.”
“Ah. That’s good.”
I played with the food on my plate.
“So, Tyler. Your parents informed us of your sexual status.”
I knew this was coming.
“They did, huh?”
“Yes, they informed us that you were homosexual.”
“That is correct.”
They were both quiet. I got agitated.
“What? Are you just going to sit there and look at me? Just like you did to Greg? Are you going to send me to whatever you put him in? How many times do you have to do this to realize that you can’t ‘fix’ us? It’s the way we’re born.”
The looked at me in shock, “I’ll have you know that your ‘part’ of you can be fixed. God will forgive you for your sins.”
I got up, “May I be excused?” They nodded. I walked back to the room and dialed for Jake, I needed him right now.
“Hey babe, I was just about to call you.” I heard him say.
“Yeah. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he said, “Do you know what your there for?” he asked.
I didn’t want him to know.
“No, they haven’t said anything yet. I’m scared, Jake.”
“It’s alright. You’ll be okay, If anything’s wrong, you just call me okay?”
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye.” I hung up and buried my face into my pillow. I grabbed the ring and slid it back onto my finger. I’ll make it. I’ll make it. I’ll make it. It’s going to be okay. Before I know it, I’ll be with him again. And we’ll be happy.
I’ll be right by his side.
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