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He makes me dizzy.
That’s the best way I can describe it. I can feel the blood rushing to my face, and the heat almost stings. I’m having trouble focusing on the conversation at hand – deciding on a drink. I ask my friend a question I don’t hear her answer to, and I stumble over my words as he watches me – way too casually – spin the cap off of a bottle of cheap tequila.
We’re at a mutual friend’s event downtown and I didn’t know he would be here. I didn’t know, but I hoped. He’s taller than I remembered, in tight black jeans and a black short-sleeved button down. Those arms.
We’ve shared some interesting conversations in the past few months, since the last time we found ourselves together at one of these things. Funny messages here and there…compliments exchanged that never felt entirely innocent. Somehow. Finding ways to bring up the topic of sex – in music, in television. Responding to one another from the shower – and noting, unnecessarily, where we were.
But we’re in the same field. We’re artists, just connecting. It was nothing more than mutual admiration. Mutual respect for both of our hard-fought careers reflected in the social media posts that prompted our interactions in the first place. Probably.
I pour the tequila as if I’m paying attention to it. I engage in conversation with friends, by all appearances ignoring his existence entirely. Still, at this distance, I feel his eyes. Tracing my neckline. Dipping down to the tights stretched across my thighs. I’ve always been so aware of him – if he’s in the room, I might as well kiss higher mental functions goodbye. Things get blurry.
That was part of the reason I’d thought this through at home in my closet an hour earlier, imagining what it might be like to see him for the first time in months. Imagining what he would think. What he might say in a world where we didn’t work together and where we weren’t dating other people. I tried on three bras, having decided on the lacy black one that happened to be peaking out from my loose fitting, low cut top right now. Pure coincidence. One of my necklaces was draped down into the depths of my top, shimmering in the low light. Also coincidence. I promise.
It takes a few minutes for either of us to get up the nerve to say something. Eventually I do, and it’s completely insignificant, because he smiles and plays along, but his eyes know too much. And they say it all.
We take a moment to orient ourselves. Exchange pleasantries. “Good to see you.” We manage to wind our way through conversations about our work, about our lives, mutual friends weaving in and out. But we’re standing so close. I breathe and watch his hand find his pocket. He watches me nervously finger the choker around my neck. An hour passes. Then two.
“To indulge or abstain?” He offers me a bottle being passed around for refills.
“That is the question,” I say, holding out my plastic cup.
I can tell he’s sort of full of himself, even in the way he pours my drink. In anyone else, this would annoy the hell out of me. But his jokes are so endearing, so self-deprecating. And his sleeves are perfectly accentuating his ridiculous biceps. And his hair is falling in this way. He’s gorgeous. I try to give him an out.
“I’m monopolizing you.”
“You’re the only person in this room I want to talk to.”
His dark eyes drop again, and he catches himself. Before more can be said, a friend enters the conversation. So much for that. He recalibrates the situation expertly. We’re in a room full of people. We always are, but it never feels like it.
Soon, the drinks are emptied and the playlist lulls and everyone begins to part ways for the evening. I hug a friend goodbye and of course he gestures for one as well. I think too hard about where Esenyurt escort bayan to put my hand, running it lightly across his back as he wraps a muscular arm around my shoulder, hand snaking toward my waistline for just a moment. We crash together like magnets. The first touch is fire.
“I really enjoyed this.”
“I thought so.”
I laugh, but I know he was serious. He has always known how I feel. I can’t keep the nerves from zapping through my limbs. Can’t keep the blush from my face. I’ve felt it all night. I retreat up the quiet midnight street to my car, and as I’m driving home, I hear my phone buzz. I know who it is. I can barely get the keys out of the ignition before I’m opening the message.
H: How. Why. Who gave you the right to be there. Tonight. Looking like that.
M: I could ask you the same question!
H: I didn’t expect you.
M: I know. Sorry I surprised you.
H: You aren’t.
M: You’re right.
H: I have immense respect for our situation. I really do. I need you to know that. You’re a great person.
M: Oh, I do too. Our individual relationships. Our working relationship. We can’t jeopardize those.
H: Of course not.
M: I’m glad we understand each other.
H: I also need you to know that if the situation were different, I would’ve taken you to a quiet bar up the street just now. Someplace dark, where we could keep talking. Drinking. Someplace where I could tease you properly.
My heart skips and I scramble into the house, hurriedly undressing for bed and climbing inside, trying to remember why I shouldn’t respond. This lasts about six minutes. He’s already sent another message.
H: Those damn tights. Certainly didn’t help matters.
M: I kind of wondered what you might think of them.
H: I can’t stop thinking of them. Had to steal a few glances. Maybe a few too many.
M: I hope you got enough to last a while.
H: I don’t know how long I’ll last, honestly.
I hesitate. The words I’ve wanted to say for the past several hours all compete with the last rational part of my brain. This never happens to me.
H: Hey, look. I’m going to behave in-person. I give you my word. But after a night like that…I need release. And I know you need it too.
And the words win.
M: How do you know?
H: I can just read you. I don’t know what it is. Magic? My own projection?
M: So, you want me too, is that what I’m hearing?
H: Uh, yes. I wanted to reach out and grab you, actually. Take you to some back room. Anywhere.
I gulp as I feel a familiar fire burning its way through my body to my core.
M: I can tell my imagination has its work cut out for the next several weeks.
H: I can tell the key to your sexuality is your mind. I just have to get inside and take over a few things. If only I could whisper a few things. Touch a few things.
I can no longer help myself as my hand slides under the waistband of my panties, finding the heat already spilling out.
M: This is so much easier to picture after just talking with you for two hours straight.
H: I know. Now I know exactly where my hands would fit. How they could trace your collarbone. The way they would hold your hips. It’s like the pieces missing from my imagination over the last few months have been filled in. I can see you.
My breathing catches as my hands wander, imagining his. It takes me too long to reply. My phone buzzes again.
H: You’re picturing it now, right? God. Have you thought about it before? My hands all over you?
I smirk, not sure how much to give him. Despite what my body is begging for, I’m still not interested in fucking up my life. Or his.
M: And if I Escort Etiler have?… Are you sure this won’t affect our work? Our…situations?
H: I vow to keep this momentary lapse our own. I think you’re amazing. As a person. I want to work with you. I don’t want to upend anything. I just…my mind wanders sometimes. You’re so attractive. And I’m of the opinion that if someone makes me feel this way, they deserve to know. You deserve to know. It’s the law of attraction.
M: I don’t think that’s what anyone means by the law of attraction.
H: Close enough.
I’m still trying to process this. It’s all happening so fast. And I have clearly underestimated what being wanted like this – desired like this – does for me. I don’t remember the last time someone talked to me this way. One hand reaches up to graze my nipple. I can feel the sheets getting slick as I squeeze a little. Buzz buzz.
H: Is that okay? Just tell me if I say too much.
M: We’re on the same page. It’s the law.
As soon as I reply, he sends a.gif, clearly copped from an X-rated site. A muscular guy sitting next to a petite female, his hand traveling between her legs. Okay,.gifs. That’s a new one.
H: This page? Is it okay if I send images? Sometimes I find they make it a little easier to express what I’m thinking.
M: Visuals are your day job. It only stands to reason.
H: You get it. Art.
Another image comes through. This time the guy’s hand has gone under her skirt, exposing her to the camera. My hand quickens under the blanket, feeling my body’s reaction. I reach into my nightstand and pull out my favorite vibrator, debating whether I should interject.
H: As I was saying, the mind is the most powerful weapon in the bedroom. Combining the right thoughts with the right touches, the right words…
M: I can hear your voice so much clearer now, in my head. Ringing in my ears. I’ve always been very…auditory.
H: Really? I love that. Makes me want to call you right now. Get the most out of this moment. All of the…available senses.
Another image comes through – an attractive man kissing and biting a woman’s ear, down to her neck. I shiver and switch the vibrator on.
H: Should I call you?
Before I can confirm or deny, his name flashes across my screen. The phone is buzzing in one hand and my vibrator in the other. I take a deep breath and slide the icon to answer his call.
“Hello?” I manage in a whisper.
He laughs on the other end, low and sexy. “You sound surprised.”
“This entire evening has been somewhat of a surprise, if I’m being honest.” The back of my neck prickles at his voice in the most pleasant way.
“Think we can keep it up?”
I whimper a little, before a stifled “I hope so.”
I hear him let out a low moan. “‘Atta girl. Are you touching yourself right now?”
I’m both disarmed by and enamored with his boldness, the palpable curiosity and excitement emanating from his words. I remember the vibrator at this moment and drop it down under the blanket, still over top of my soaked panties.
“I uh…I have been since I got home.”
“Ohh, fuck. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I could barely keep it together in the car.”
I smile, moving the vibrator in slow circles over my clit, finally beginning to relax into the sensations.
“You should see how wet I am. Everything is soaked.”
He gasps a little and I can hear him working on himself. Each word takes a little longer to form than it should.
“I know we’re going to be good. I know. But I can’t help the thought that flashed through my mind as I was watching you walk up the street.”
“What was that?”
“I thought, ‘I’m definitely going to fuck her one Eyüp escort day.'”
I sigh and tug my panties down around my knees, letting the vibration touch bare skin for the first time. I can’t help the sounds I make. “Ahh, shit.”
“Tell me what you’re doing.”
“I just slid my panties off. I’m using a vibrator.”
“Mm, that’s so hot. Everything about you is so fucking hot.”
“Imagine if we had just made off to a back room tonight,” I breathe, ragged. “If we could just…let go.”
“Mm. Hiding out somewhere. I think in that case I’d really like to see you down on your knees for me.” I can hear rustling like he’s changing positions, then, “I kept picturing those pretty eyes looking up at me.”
“Is that something you would like?”
“Of course. I bet you sound incredible when you’re being sucked off.”
He groans, hearing this. I turn up the speed on the vibrator and adjust the phone, now able to use both hands. Two fingers slip through my wet folds and just as easily inside. “Ooh, yes,” I moan into the mic.
“You’re too much. Fuck me,” he grunts. I hear rhythmic pumping. “If your mouth takes me like a good girl, you know I’d have to taste you too.”
I moan. He continues. He knows what I need to hear. Somehow he just fucking knows. “I’d bury my face in that little pussy. Licking, sucking, driving you crazy. Pumping my fingers in and out, tongue hot against your clit until I had your cum dripping down my chin.”
“Fucking hell,” I gasp, sucking in air, trying not to explode.
I can hear a smile in his gravely voice, “You like this, don’t you, baby? You like hearing what I want to do to you? I like telling you. I can picture your hips rocking, putting my mouth exactly where you want it.”
“Mmm, fuck. Fuck yes.”
“I’d have to turn you around eventually. Up against a wall, legs spread nice and wide for me. I’d bend you over and push every inch of my cock inside you. Make you mine.”
I speed up the vibrator again and my hips roll back and forth, anticipating an inevitable climax. I haven’t been this wound up in oh, I don’t know, maybe years.
“I want it. I want you so fucking bad,” I whisper, the pleasure mounting. “I want you to take me, my pussy was aching for you all night.”
“Confession. This is far from the first time I’ve been stroking my dick and thinking of you. Imagining those words.” I can tell he’s getting close too. The noises sound more frantic. More desperate.
“No?” I can’t manage much else, as very intense waves of pleasure are building.
“Definitely not,” he drawls, slowly, his heady voice losing focus. Dropping in and out between panting and sloppy wet sounds. He’s close. “But it’s so much better when you know.”
“I love knowing,” I whisper, afraid to lose this momentum, but making it last as long as possible.
“The first time we met, I was a wreck. You have no idea how many long, hot showers have belonged to you.”
“Ohh, fuuuck,” I cry out. This undoes me, hearing that he’s been so fixated, hearing that I’ve been playing on his mind like this. My orgasm crashes into me and I whimper and whine as the waves break. “I’m cumming. I’m cumming for you.”
Apparently this was what he needed to hear. He lets out a low growl and returns the favor, breathing heavily in my ear as he blows his load. It’s so hot, I can hardly stand it.
As his moans settle, and we’re left in the quiet, I realize my vibrator is still running and switch it off. He laughs in spite of himself.
“Woah,” I start.
“Exactly what I’ve needed. For a while.”
“Well, maybe not exactly…” he amends. “But pretty damn close.”
“Pretty damn,” I agree.
“I guess we should…”
“Yeah, we should…”
I can hear a smile in his voice. “We’re good?”
He laughs. “Goodnight, you. ‘Til the next time you show up somewhere looking like a goddess and make me lose my shit.”
I laugh too. “In that case, I’ll do my best…”
“To indulge or abstain?”
“I guess that is the question.”
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