Why I am submissive

Why I am submissiveI would love to live the life of a BDSM submissive 24/7 – be kept naked, sleeping in a cage, and at the beck and call of my Master or Mistress (I am bisexual) to satisfy their every sexual whim. Unfortunately, I can only achieve this fantasy in my own fantasy world. Below is a fantasy letter to my prospective Mistress or Master, explaining why I believe, I became a submissive:Why I think I am a submissive:The first time I remember being aroused by something having to do with the bdsm lifestyle – although I had no clue at the time as to what that even was – was one time during recess in 7th grade. I went to a Catholic school, and our playground was basically the church parking lot next to the school building and most of our games were like tag or things not too physical – like role-playing games. I was new at the school having just moved into the area. The guys in my class were not associating with me, so I spent a lot of my time on the sidelines just watching them play. One day, it was very warm out. The guys wore white shirts with blue plaid ties and blue pants. I remember standing and watching some boys playing what looked like street gang warfare or something and pretend tying a gang member to a pretend pole right against the school building wall. He was facing the building, with his hands crossed and ‘tied’ behind his back, and I could see and hear a boy pretend to rip the shirt off his back and then pretend to whip him. The boy, acting out his role, writhed in pain and said things like “Please, no, stop!.”Well it was a perfectly innocent k**s game but god, watching that scene got me so aroused. I didn’t have any idea why at the time, but the helplessness of the boy, his fake pain, even in this mock scene, was very exciting for me to witness.This occurred for several days running and one day, one of the boys noticed my interest and said “turns you on doesn’t it?” I acted shocked and denied it, but he smiled knowingly. It turned out later in High School that this same boy turned out to be gay … or at least that was the rumor.I wouldn’t say that changed my life or anything, but, from then on, my fantasies – the thoughts that I would conjure up as I would masturbate in my room at night or in the morning (many times both), would revolve around being captured by some cruel people, being bound and tortured and helpless at their hands. I would imagine scenes where I was captured by island natives and stripped and then used forever after as their sex slave since the native women were the dominant ones in the society. Around this time as well, my cousin Linda, who was 16 and I was 13, decided to lure me into a game with sexual elements. We were at my Grandmother’s house and the entire family was there and Linda and I were I the back bedroom sort of away from the rest of the rooms. One night after everyone had gone to bed Linda asked if I wanted to play a game with her. Well of course I did and crawled into her bed and got under the covers.We were both wearing regular flannel pajamas: bottoms and tops and had just showered. We were under the covers with a flashlight so as to not draw attention to our bedroom with the lights on. She said we were going to play “paper, scissors, and rock” and the winner could challenge the loser to do anything they wished. I wasn’t too keen about this, but I played. She won first, and set the tone for the “prizes.” She ordered me to get out of bed and stand against the wall and raise my pajama tops and lower the bottoms thus exposing my genitals to her. Gosh, I thought, this seems weird, but, not wanting to be a bad sport, and frankly pretty excited about the idea, I did as she asked.I was very surprised – and she seemed quite pleased – that my long narrow cock was fully erect! She stared at my naked genitals for a while, shining the flashlight over me. I was completely hairless and my balls were pretty small. I felt pretty embarrassed by this attention. Okay, she said, and I hopped back into bed and we played another round. This time I won, and not being at all creative, I ordered her to do the same as I had. Honestly, this was absolutely the first time I had seen a girl’s genitals and boobs. I knew girls had boobs and were different down there, but this was my first opportunity to take my time to see what it was all about. She had nice boobs – round and perky. She was a little plump but who cared? I shined the flashlight on her pussy – it was very hairy and I really couldn’t see anything other then she did not have a dick. When I was around 5 or 6, my Mother used to take me into the women’s locker room to change at the community swimming pool Therefore, I had seen girls there and in the showers and couldn’t help but see that they had nothing but a slit between their legs, but I had never seen pubic hair on a girl before. After a bit of shining the flashlight back and forth between her pussy and her breasts, I said okay, and she hopped back into bed. She won the next round of play and said, “Take off your pajamas.” Holy cow I thought. I had never been naked with anyone else like this before. I was really shy about it, but, since I was under the covers, I took my stuff off. My cock was really hard. Lay on your back, she said, and I obeyed. She took the flashlight and used it to go under the covers and took a good close look at my cock and balls. I could actually feel her breath on me as she inspected me. This was probably the first time that she was able to take a close look at a boy. After a few minutes, she came back up and we played again. You guessed it, I won. So, off with her clothes of course, and I went under and down to take a good close look. She was hairy all right but now I could see the folds of her pussy and the triangular hood at the top. I could see also that she was a little moist down there. I was close enough so that I could smell her … very musky. Wow I thought. I was done after a short while and now we were both playing completely naked.She won the next round (I don’t know how she did it, but she made sure the winning went back and forth like this.) “Ok,” she said, “I want you to bite me … once here and here (and shepointed to each nipple) and once down here (and she pointed to her pussy).”“Bite you,” I asked incredulously, “you mean like, canlı bahis hurt you?”“No no,” she said, “gently, like this,” and she pulled my arm to her mouth put her lips against my skin and sort of sucked. Well I got the idea. The nipples were really easy. I mouthed each and then sucked them in a little. But the pussy … that was another matter. It was one thing to take a close look and sniff, but to put my mouth on the spot where she peed? God, that seemed so dirty. You can see my knowledge of sex did not exist. Anyway, a bet was a bet, so I got down between her legs, which she obligingly opened for me, and slowly brought my mouth to her pussy. I remember clearly that I like, rolled my lips back onto my mouth so that I would not be directly touching her, but bite on her pussy I did and tried to draw in a little bit with my breath. I can still recall that musky smell.“Okay” I said, and we went onto to the next round … I won surprise surprise. “Okay,” I said, “bite me here and here and here” and I indicated my two nipples and my genitals. She definitely knew more about this stuff then I did cause she gave me two real sensuous sucks on my nipples. I remember closing my eyes with pleasure. Then she quickly moved in between my legs and, rather then one “bite” she sorta nibbled along the length of my cock from the top to the bottom and then pressed her mouth against my hairless balls and sucked. Jesus, I almost came! She was so gentle … it was like having a puppy attending to me. Well, that was as far as we went. We played a couple more rounds with her getting more and more pleasure as I copied her gentle mouthing movements. The number of ‘bites’ grew from one to two to three and we were getting each other pretty wet with our mouths. But it was clear, that two Catholic cousins were not going to go any further with this. We played nightly for the rest of that visit … again, just repeating the routine she had established – looking at one another and touching each other in very sensitive areas with our lips. It was very enjoyable. After each game, I would put my pajamas back on and go to my own bed only to take my pajama bottoms down and rub my cock until I came. It did not take long after that most enjoyable “foreplay.” That was the only time my cousin and I had the privacy to play like that. She never mentioned it during the daytime after our nightly play … and she never mentioned ever after that. Even to this day, neither of us would ever bring it up for obvious reasons. But it is a wonderful memory that I sometimes draw upon for my masturbation sessions each morningThe Story of OIn my thoughts about being a submissive, the impact of this story of sexual slave training on me cannot be minimized. Early in my junior year in high school, someone gave me a copy of the Story of O and I read it through over several nights, stopping only to relieve myself from the incredible sexual arousal by masturbating. I could barely get through a chapter without having to cum.The story is simple: the telling of it divine agony in terms of arousal as O is taken through step by step of ‘normal’ living into being a slave dedicated to making men sexually satisfied.To “demonstrate” her love, O was turned by her lover to a French mens’ club for a weekend “of training.” O proceeds to be carefully trained to sexually service club members and brutally whipped and punished usually for no reason. The rules were spelled out in delightful detail: O was to be nearly naked – wearing only a mere thin covering that could be opened with ease exposing her front and rear so that each was available to any man at the Club, Roissy, at any time who wanted to use her. Any hole – mouth, anus, vagina – was to free to be used by anyone. Even the servants could use her and often did and she could not refuse them.One member complained that O’s asshole was too tight – he wanted to enter her with his thick cock with relative ease. So, they began to train it, keeping it stretched with butt plugs in increasingly larger sizes so the man could enter her more easily. God that seemed so sexy to me!O was a successful, independent woman before her training at Roissy. After her weekend at Roissy, it seemed as if she was even more successful and independent and willing to take risks. She even risked emotional turmoil by seducing her best friend and risked the loss of her friend’s affection by turning her over to Roissy for slave training much as O’s male lover had turned O over. The finale of the story was O being “presented” in public as a sexual slave and her total acceptance of her role.My first sexual experienceMy first real sexual experience was when I was 15 and my best friend, Bob, a school chum of mine convinced me one hot horny Summer that playing strip poker was a fun thing to do. I was an extraordinarily shy boy – especially when it came to my body and nudity. I didn’t even like going on a public beach because a bathing suit revealed so much of my skin. So, the idea of playing strip poker and getting totally naked with another guy – even my best friend, was really a challenge for me.We had a lot of time on our hands that Summer and my friend would often stay overnight at my house and my parents would usually go to bed early, even on weekends. So, playing strip poker with both of us losing our clothes one item at a time could be done in the privacy of my basement rec room.The first game was just an incredible test of my shyness and courage. One by one our clothes came off – shoes, shirt, jeans and then finally, underwear. The first time I ‘lost’ and had to take down my underpants and reveal my genitals in front of my friend – well, it was quite the experience. It was made more personally embarassing because I had a huge erection by the time I lost this final article of clothing. God, sitting across from my friend, my dick standing straight up peaking over the top of the table … it was just an amazingly stimulating experience – dreaded yet exciting.We played a few times over the next several weeks, with the outcome being that we both would be staring at each other’s package by the end of the game. That was fun for me, since I had never really had a chance to take a good look at another guy’s cock and balls. My friend was a football player and bahis siteleri pretty well hung. While not athletic, I had a well proportioned body and a fairly nice set of genitals myself. Because the game was so stimulating, we both would wind up with good, hard erections by the end of play. And, there would usually be a good amount of wet stuff dripping from the ends of our cocks.Neither of us was very hairy – we didn’t have any hair on our chests and just light hair on our arms and legs. He had thick dark pubic hair though while mine was thin and light brown – almost blond. His cock was a little larger then mine and it was darker … mine was pinkish white while his was sort of grayish. His cockhead had an unusual shape: it looked like a Cobra snake: flat and thick. My cock has a round brown mole on one side and after a few games my friend mentioned it and wondered if it was a birthmark. By that I could tell he had been inspecting me with his eyes as carefully as I had him.One night, after we had both lost all of our clothes, and were just playing a few more rounds for “nothing,” my friend suggested that we make the game “more interesting.” I cautiously said, “Okay” wondering what he had in mind. He set the rules: after we both had lost all of our clothes, whenever a player lost a hand, the other player would win “a favor.” I didn’t know exactly what he had in mind but I agreed since, frankly, I was really aroused. There was only one stipulation: no “ass play.” We were definitely NOT gay and were to ask each other to “kiss my ass” or something worse.Naturally, I lost the next hand and my friend with a big smile suggested that I give his dick “a lick.” God, what a shock that was! I protested that I didn’t think that was right (I was really afraid of being “gay” – and the through crossed my mind, What if I lick his and he refuses to lick mine? Was this a trick?) but, he pointed out that I had agreed to play and take my chances, so I had better “pay up.” What was I a chicken? He asked. Since I was so turned on by the game play, didn’t want to be a bad sport, I reluctantly agreed. He stood up, put his dick in my face and I closed my eyes and just sort of leaned my tongue against it. “No, no,” my friend said, holding his stiff dick straight with his fingers at the top of it, “Lick it from the bottom to the top …” I gulped, and this time with my eyes open, I did as he said. I licked his cock from his balls to the tip and left it glistening with my saliva. The musty smell of his genitals was very strong and the “taste” of his dick very strange- kind of metallic and sort of foul. As he went over and sat down and dealt the next hand, I could still taste him in my mouth. I was really really turned on.Of course, when he lost the next hand, I knew what to ask for and he complied by pressing his tongue against the bottom of my stiff cock and licking straight up. He made the same protests that I did, trying to get out of it, but of course I knew since he had suggested this, he wanted to do this. His tongue against my cock felt incredible. I almost shot my load right there from the sight of his tongue pressing against me and the wet soft feel of it. This was something completely different. I had masturbated in all sorts of ways up to then, but this sensation of a live tongue caressing my cock was, well, it is very hard to describe. He looked appropriately chagrined at having to lick my cock as I sat down and began to shuffle the cards for the next hand. We were both very quiet and solemn as I dealt out the cards. My cock was now dripping with precum.Game after game, the stakes rose: One lick … two licks …. and then, three licks . . . I should point out here, that this did not all take place in one night. We progressed very slowly actually. Doing one lick for several nights and then moving to two for several nights after that and then, three licks.About the fourth week, he suggested a big move: three licks and a “suck.” “Suck your dick?” I asked him incredulously? “Well,” he said, “you agreed to play and that’s what I want you to do. Come on, its no big deal.”Well, of course it was a big deal. But, not wanting to be called a chicken and really really turned on by now after all the mutual cock licking that had been going on up to this point, again, I closed my eyes, licked his cock well three times then opened my mouth and, since he had a pretty big dick, took only his dickhead and about an inch of his cock into my mouth. The musky smell was really strong as I had his cock in my mouth. It tasted really weird to: sort of a metallic taste which is hard to explain. All I know is that the term ‘cocksucker’ crossed my mind and I felt really low … but excited at the same time.“Yecchh,” I said, trying to be as macho as possible about this and to downplay the gayness of it all, and we continued the poker game. I really had the full taste of him in my mouth as we played the next round. And, while I didn’t realize it at the time, I probably had a bit of his precum in my mouth as well. With the next game, he lost, and my friend dutifully returned the favor and after wetting my cock with three licks of his tongue, took my cock into his mouth leaving it shiny with his saliva. God, having my dick in his mouth was just an unbelieveable sight and feeling. First of all, seeing my dick head disappear past his lips was such a stimulating sight. And his mouth was so wet and warm and soft! God. It was amazing I didn’t just cum at the sight and feel of it all! Well the ante was raised all the way up to three licks and three sucks when it became clear to us both that the next step was oral ejaculation – and it was pretty clear we weren’t going to go there. Neither of use would agree to the demand to suck the other guy off completely. That was just too gay. I realize now, that the unspoken fear was that one guy would suck the other guy off and then the other guy would refuse to do it. We just didn’t trust each other to take such a giant step sexually. But, we knew we had to have some release after all this “foreplay.” If you can believe it, up to this point, after all the nakedness, licking and sucking we hadn’t jerked off in each other’s presence. After one particularly long and sensual game, we just naturally came to a mutual conclusion canlı bahis siteleri that we would watch each other masturbate. We moved to a couch that was in the room, sat naked next to each other, and started pulling away at our dicks. I watched his technique and he watched mine. We both moved our hands furiously to cum as quickly as possible. I came first, leaning back, closing my eyes and moaning a bit as the warm feeling washed over me from deep within my groin. My sperm shot high onto my stomach. When I was done and opened my eyes, I found my friend still whacking away and then he too settled back and I noticed his hand movement slowed and he groaned and his whole body stiffened: God it was so amazing to see another guy cumming! He sort of flexed his “muscle” with his hand and his body started jerking and wow, white thick sperm shot right up onto the middle of his chest. Jesus. What an incredible sight and experience.We were very tidy masturbaters and made sure we had towels ready to wipe the sperm off ourselves.We followed that routine for the next few games: stripping down, licking, licking and sucking and then masturbating together. It got so we would ‘dress’ for the game: wearing as little as possible in order to get right down to the action. One time we played right after swimming in my backyard pool and I was chagrined to find that he wore a jock strap and I didn’t. Another touch of humiliation as I got naked immediately and it took two rounds to get his clothes off … He seemed to be always arranging things like that so I would always be the ‘loser’ in more then just having the losing hand of cards.One night, as we started to play, my friend wondered aloud if I thought it would be “cool” for us to jerk each other off – at the same time of course. God. You mean you touching mine and me touching yours? I asked? Yep, he said, why not? Well, I said, Okay, I guess. By this time, I was putty in his hands and probably would have gone along with anything he suggested.So we agreed to mutual masturbation at the end of our game that night instead of jerking off separately. The environment was quieter during the game as we both were probably thinking about the ultimate climax before us. After we got naked, and had gone through the ‘bet’ series of licks and sucks, we retired to the couch and, somewhat tentatively and awkwardly, took one another’s stiff cock firmly in hand. It was different. I pumped him and he pumped me. We didn’t move nearly as fast as we had when our hands were on our own cocks. I don’t know whether we were afraid to hurt each other or whether it was just that we felt so weird touching one another. It was certainly awkward for me for the way we were sitting, he could use his right hand on me and I had to use my left hand on him. Jerking off another guy is very strange. You know how your cock feels … handling someone else’s is such a wild experience! Feeling that ‘bone-hard’ rod, taking that soft soft skin up and down, up and down and, of course, you cannot keep your eyes off it. Both of us, with the licking and sucking, had somewhat moist cocks and, with all that arousing poker play and oral action, we would be dripping precum.Anyway, in a very short time, I felt that feeling. I indicated to my friend as best I could to keep pressure on me – I stopped jerking on his dick and settled back on the couch, and he very earnestly pumped and pumped. I stiffened and God, it was so incredible having someone else make me cum! I shot a thick load on my stomach and my friend delicately pumped me until I indicated that I was done. When I was spent, I press my hand against his arm indicating for him to stop. I just lay there a minute, eyes closed, feeling that wonderful aftercum glow … breathing hard, the strong orgasmic feeling still there … Squeezing the muscles of my cock to force the last drop out …It wasn’t long before my friend indicated his impatience and so, I leaned forward and turned my full attention to bringing him off. I have to repeat, that having his cock in my hand was a trip. I had touched my own plenty of times in this way, but feeling another guy’s cock in your palm and seeing your fist around it, well, it is somehow very arousing. He lay back on the couch a bit and close his eyes as I jerked him off. I could see him begin to tense and he started to move his ass up and down a bit and brought his hands down and pressed them against his legs, and then he moaned … he stiffened dramatically and sperm shot out of him like a cannon. Whoosh, wooosh, wooosh it came and he put his hands over his face as he experienced the orgasm. I pumped and pumped until no sperm was left and he reached forward and stopped my hand. Then I sat back against the couch myself and rubbed at my cock and balls. “Jesus,” he said, “that was so fucking great!” And I couldn’t have agreed more.We played strip poker at least twice a week the rest of that summer usually with the same climax although we experimented with some other “challenges” such as public nudity: skinny dipping in my backyard pool and the community pool in the middle of the night. One time my friend wanted to know what it felt liked to be sucked underwater so we took turns one standing and the other diving under the water and taking the cock into our mouths. I nearly drowned!But we never did progress to oral sex or any other action. One time we did try a “69” set up, but it just didn’t work out – our bodies just didn’t line up. We probably could have worked at it to make it happen, but I still think there was a reluctance to have sperm shoot into our mouths. Now as I look back at that golden Summer, I wish we had broken that taboo . . .My friend went to a different high school then I did, so, as our circle of friends changed over the school year, so did our relationship. That was the one and only Summer that we played and we did not continue it into the school year. After several years we only saw each other once in a while at parties and things and, once we went away to different colleges, we lost touch completely. I have no idea where he is today … I sometimes think that if I could find him, knowing what I know now, perhaps we could get together for old times sake and have a few rounds of strip poker. I know we couldn’t recreate the magic of that wonderful Summer, but it sure would be fun to try.So, these things all worked together on my during my formative, impressionable years, to leave me finding more satisfaction in pleasing my partner – submitting to his or her every wish.