Jesus Saves

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Ass

“Judy!”

“Yes, Mom?”

“Are you ready for church?”

“Almost, Mom.”

“Well, hurry up or we’ll be late. I’m eager to have a personal relationship with Jesus, how about you?”

“Yes, Mom, I sure am.”

Half an hour later they sat in their pews in the hot, crowded church. Reverend James Bragg strutted to the podium, about to begin his Sunday sermon. It had been advertised in the church flyer as “The Harlot.” Those parishioners who didn’t like Reverend Bragg referred to him as “Jimmy Braggart.” The organ player started a vicious rumor that the preacher got caught in the act by his wife with his dick down some hooker’s throat.

“Shhhh, be quiet, Judy, the preacher is going to begin his sermon.”

“OK, Mom, sheesh, I just asked Kathy what we were going to discuss in teen bible study after the service. What verses are you adults covering?”

“The immaculate conception I think.”

“That sounds interesting, Mom. Maybe later you can fill me in on how that happened.”

“Yes, Judy, maybe I will. It’s probably time we had a talk about the birds and bees.”

“Birds and bees?”

“Sex, Judy, sex.”

“No need to bother with that, Mom. I love Jesus.”

“Today, brothers and sisters,” the preacher began, “we are going to talk about harlots. Whores. The bible is filled with them, from Tamar to Jezebel to Babylon, the mother of harlots of Revelation, chapter 17. Repent! Repent those of you who have gone astray. Come with Jesus.”

“Amen!” the audience chanted in unison.

“Mom,” Judy whispered, “isn’t Babylon a strange name for a woman? Did they call her Babs for short?”

“Be quiet, Judy, ask your questions in teen bible study later.”

“Let me tell you sinners how this obsession with harlotry all started,” Reverend Bragg continued. “It all began with phallic worship.”

“Amen!” Judy shouted, the only one in the entire congregation who spoke.

Judy’s mother poked her with an elbow. She cringed, not so much from the blow, but from the dirty looks her outburst drew.

Reverend Bragg opened his King James to Ezekiel 16:17 and read, “Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver which I have given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them.”

“Now, what do you suppose these images of men are that is mentioned in this verse? Phallic symbols, that’s what. Every Jewish princess had one for her own personal devotion. Large ones were displayed in places of public worship. Of course not all could be made of gold and silver. The smaller ones were wooden. Today they are made of rubber and plastic and silicone. Some are even battery operated. It is the Devil’s work indeed. Repent you harlots!”

“Amen!” This time Judy kept silent while everyone else chanted.

Judy did whisper to her mother, “But Mom, didn’t those Jew babes have a problem with splinters?”

If looks could kill.

“The Hebrew word for this phallic symbol is ‘asherah.’ That word appears forty times in the Hebrew poker oyna bible. Unfortunately it is mistranslated to ‘grove’ or ‘groves’ in the King James. Efforts have been made in newer English translations to correct this translation. For example, The New Revised Standard Version translates ‘asherah’ to ‘sacred poles.’ That’s more like it. Maybe one day some bible translator will have the courage to call it like it is.”

“Amen!” Judy looked around before joining the rest.

“That’s the end of my sermon for this morning. Let’s sing ‘Amazing Grace’ while we take up the offering. Be generous, people. God needs your money more than you do. After the offering, go to the room where your particular bible study group meets.”

Everyone filtered out of the church. Reverend Bragg had a personal word at the door for each member of the congregation as they left. Judy and her mother were last and they talked with the preacher for a few minutes.

“Now you study your bible, young lady.”

“Yes sir, I surely will. I love my Jesus.”

Reverend Bragg watched Judy intently as she walked away. Deacon Joseph noticed and approached him.

“That one has a nice tight little ass, don’t she now, Pastor Jim?”

“No shit, Joe. I could see her nipples. I wonder if she is wearing a bra. What’s the story with her?”

“Her name is Judy. She’s a cheerleader. You should go to the basketball games and watch her jump around. I’d like to wrap those long legs around my neck. Smart little girl. Makes high honors. She’s leading the teen bible study group today. My wife has the flu.”

“Love that red hair and those freckles. I’d like to pull those pigtails if you get my drift.”

“You sure like those cocksuckers, Pastor Jim. You should try the glory holes over there in the video booths at North Street Adult Book Store.”

“It’s not the same, Joe. I like to see and feel a little tit while I’m getting head. Well, I guess we better get to our bible study groups before the sheep get restless.”

Judy went down to the basement where the teen bible study group met. Her friend Kathy and two other girls, Debbie and Pammy Jo, waited. Apparently they were to be the only attendees this Sunday.

“Well,” Judy began, “I’m it today, the teacher. The deacon’s wife is sick. I didn’t get much notice but I did bring some examples.”

“Examples of what?” Debbie asked innocently.

“Examples of what Reverend Bragg preached about in his sermon. Will get to that. First, does anybody have any questions?”

“Isn’t there a Judy in the bible? Judge Judy or something like that?”

“No Debbie, that’s a TV show, you dummy!” Pammy Jo blurted. “There is a judge in the bible but I doubt she was as blond as you. Sheep, so many sheep.”

“Pammy Jo is correct,” Judy responded. “There is a book of Judith in the Apocrapha. The Catholics have it in their bibles but we don’t. Judith, a beautiful widow, charmed this dude named Holofernes and beheaded him after he got drunk and passed out. She was a hero. But enough of that, any questions canlı poker oyna about today’s sermon?”

“Yes, I didn’t get it,” Debbie spoke up. “What was Pastor Jim talking about?”

“Did you understand Pammy Jo?” Judy asked.

“Masturbation. Dildos.”

“Pammy Jo is correct. We could play a little show and tell, Debbie,” Judy offered, “so you can fully understand the concept.”

“Goody, I haven’t played show and tell since first grade.”

“Debbie, do you love Jesus?” Judy inquired seriously.

“Yes!”

Judy pulled Jesus from her purse, both of them. She had Baby Jesus and Jackhammer Jesus. She also had Moses and The Devil and Virgin Mary and Buddha’s Delight and the Grim Reaper and Judas.

“This is all about divine intervention,” Judy explained. “You will notice that these silicone dildos have a flared base so you can attach them to a harness.”

Debbie stared at Jesus and the others in awe and amazement. Pammy Jo just smiled.

“Kathy,” Judy suggested, “show the girls how to accept Jesus as your personal savior.”

“I already know!” Pammy Jo squealed.

Pammy Jo quickly stood, wiggled out of her tight slacks and removed her white cotton panties.

“Now pay attention, Debbie, and I’ll tell and show you how to accept Jesus.”

Pammy Jo reclined on the couch and began to finger herself.

“Debbie,” Pammy Jo continued, “I hope you can find your clitoris. It’s at the top of your vagina under a little hood between your inner and outer lips. When you rub the spot like I’m doing right now, it, uh, feels good. It works kinda like a penis. Have you ever watched a cock get hard?”

“No, not really.”

Pammy Jo laughed. “Well, this is your lucky day, because the ones we have are already hard and never get soft. They don’t make a mess either.”

“Is it true Pammy Jo?” Kathy asked. “What they say in school about you and Bobby Porter, the quarterback. He tells all his friends you fuck like a mink.”

“As if!” Pammy Jo protested. “I’m a good little Christian girl. When we went steady I usually just gave him a hand job. Sure, if he was real nice I’d suck his dick but no cumming in my mouth. He did once by accident. No more swallowing for me unless I get a diamond on my finger and no screwing until I’ve taken a bite out of my own wedding cake.”

“What about you and the gym teacher Mr. Daniels? We heard about you and him too.”

“No way, Kathy, not much to that rumor either. I used to babysit his kids. When he took me home I’d take off my panties. He’d sniff them and jerk off while I played with myself like I’m doing now. Ahhhhh, that feels good! And quit asking so many questions, you’re distracting me.”

“Pammy Jo,” Judy observed, “you look like you are just about ready for Jesus.”

“Yes!”

With that Pammy Jo grabbed the bigger Jesus from Judy’s hand. She began to slide Jesus up and down on her, twisting the shaft up against her clit. Then she put both hands around the head and moved it up and down and in a circular motion. A internet casino few minutes later, just as she started to cum and squirt, she rammed Jesus all the way in her vagina.

“Sweet Jesus, fuck me!” she cried and whimpered, over and over, as she writhed in pleasure.

Debbie watched, somewhat shocked, while Judy and Kathy giggled.

“Talk about getting born again,” Kathy quipped.

“Do you get the idea, Debbie?”

“Yes, I think so, Judy. I’ll take the Virgin Mary.”

Kathy selected Moses. “Let’s see if he can lead me to the promised land.”

“It’ll be The Devil for me,” Judy decided. “You know, Luke 22:3, ‘Then entered Satan into Judy.”

“I think that was Judas,” Kathy corrected.

“Whatever!”

“That’s the first orgasm I ever had,” Debbie muttered weakly a half hour later.

“The first of many I’m sure.”

“I hope so Judy. What about this Baby Jesus? Why is it so much smaller than the others.”

“It’s a butt plug.”

“Huh?”

“You stick it up your ass, Debbie.”

“That sounds like it would hurt.”

“It does. But it’s good preparation for when some dude sticks the real thing up your ass.”

“I would never!”

“Never say never.”

“Hey, I have an idea,” Pammy Jo cooed, “I think Debbie should sit on Jesus’ head. Maybe she’ll get smarter.”

Judy and Kathy snickered and Debbie shuddered.

“Grab her girls and hold her down,” Pammy Jo commanded.

“No worries, Debbie, we’ll use lots of lube,” Judy promised as she probed the girl’s hole with her finger.

“Ouch!”

Pammy Jo applied lube to the head of Baby Jesus.

“Debbie,” she asked, “are you ready to get fucked in the ass by Jesus?”

“No! Please, no!”

“Look at it this way,” Judy added, “those Jew babes a couple thousand years ago had a splinter problem. You’re only going to have a sphincter problem.”

Pammy Jo pushed Baby Jesus about half way into Debbie.

“Yeow! Please no, please stop!”

“Do you really want us to stop, Debbie?”

“Debbie, crying, shook her head, indicating she did not want them to stop.

“Oh my fucking God!” Debbie screamed as Pammy Jo shoved Baby Jesus in all the way.

Just then they heard the door to the basement open. The girls scrambled to get their clothes. Pastor Jim and Deacon Joe came down the stairs.

“What in the world is going on down here?” Pastor Jim asked. “It sounds like Armageddon.”

“Just praying,” Judy assured him, “and praising Jesus.”

Debbie giggled and Pammy Jo kicked her in the shin.

“Pastor Jim?”

“Yes, Judy?”

“What are you preaching about next Sunday?”

“King Solomon. Now you girls finish up here. It’s time to go home.”

The two men climbed the stairs.

“King Solomon,” Judy mused, “he had like 300 wives and 600 concubines.”

“How do you suppose he kept them all satisfied?” Debbie wondered.

“He didn’t, Debbie, they satisfied themselves, and each other, with the help of Jesus and friends of course.”

“Praise the Lord!” the girls shouted in unison.

“Amen!” they chanted, ascending the stairs, eagerly anticipating next Sunday’s bible lesson.

(Get saved today! http://www.divine-interventions.com )

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