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This story is copyright of Renzajones.
Karen didn’t speak because she couldn’t not then, she needed time to think and process the feelings that raced through her mind. She had before now always been in control of herself and her emotions and somehow she knew she couldn’t afford not to be now. She had never meant to be the one to redefine this woman or her own role in this relationship. She had in fact looked at herself as nothing more than a cipher, a role she knew was defined by her earlier self in a relationship that had begun much as this one had.
Serenity had been the first and last woman that Karen had loved with her whole self, and even the fledgling feelings that she had, had for that woman all those years ago didn’t touch what she was beginning to feel for Kylie.
Serenity Fales had from the start, been an enigma and that alone had been enough to intrigue the 19 year old Karen. They had met at a Gallery opening that had neither been exclusive or high class. It had in fact turned out to be nothing more than the birth of one more nouveau sculptor, who wouldn’t last longer than a fad. Rocco Theroux was the sculptor of the hour, though he would prove to be the Hanson of the art world and be forgotten in a year.
He was also a friend of Serenity’s although the exact nature of their relationship would always remain dubious, she was neither an art collector nor a connisuier and he was not straight and seemed to be a recluse in the highest order still it was he who had personally invited the woman to his first show. Karen had simply seen the flyer on one of the overly packed bulletin boards at school and then again taped to the wall of the organic health food co-op at which she sometimes shopped.
She hadn’t had much to do outside of the usual painting and classes so she’d figured what the hell if nothing else it might at least be good for a laugh. She had been walking around looking at the pieces of larger than life metal, copper and sometimes bits of twine that had been fused together and painted in a random fashion. There was nothing that struck her especially until she looked at a piece that was the creation of an altogether different artist.
The woman was standing next to a sculpture that was dwarfed her already small frame to an almost laughable extreme. The woman was small and dark, even in the dim lighting her deep chocolate skin seemed to shine with some sort of light that emanated from within. Her features were small and sharp on her heart shaped face and brought to mind a pixie of some sort.
Her face wouldn’t have been remarkable if it weren’t dominated by her large dark eyes, she was not a beautiful woman but was instead arresting. She was the type that would cause people to look as she walked down the street and then turn to look again once she’d passed without quite knowing why. Karen was in fact staring at her studying her and wanting her when the woman fixed those dark eyes on her.
She smiled a little, nothing more than a brief flask of whit teeth against her dark face, that was enough for Karen who hardly ever even waited for an invitation in the first place. She walked over and introduced herself to the woman and smiled her own broad self assured smile. She was no stranger to the attraction that she felt and when she looked into the captivating eyes of the small woman before her she knew that the woman was aware of and receptive to the same thing. She couldn’t exactly say how she knew, only that she did. Maybe it was the way the woman returned the smile, the tip of her pink tongue drifting over her upper lip the moment before her mouth had parted into a smile, or maybe it was the extra second she held her hand when Karen introduced herself. Whatever it was she could tell.
They spent the rest of the evening talking about nothing, biding their time really, Karen wanted to get the niceties over with and take this woman somewhere quiet, or at least private and run her hands over her lush curves. She needed to know if this woman was as soft on the inside as she looked on the outside. She wanted to see if those eyes would darken with passion or close altogether, overwhelmed with sensation. She wasn’t yet confident enough to put her request into words or action so instead she waited, and made conversation hoping that the woman would make the first move.
Serenity watched the girl as they spoke, she liked her look, Karen seemed not to know her own beauty, or at least not the extent of it. She had a certain confidence that hadn’t yet matured and as a result she seemed self assured without being self-possessed. Beyond the girl’s looks the woman also liked the way the girl looked at her, it had been sometime since anyone had looked at her with anything more than abject lust. She had felt the girl’s eyes on her earlier and had poker oyna seen the desire in her eyes but there was an interest beyond that, the desire to know her and not just take her. Or at least she thought so.
When the night was over, and the crowd such as it was began to dissipate, Karen felt a sudden sadness, she hadn’t intended to get to know the woman but was somehow glad that they had talked. She was in fact very interested in who Serenity was as well as how the woman would feel writhing beneath her own hands. The woman was an incarnate contradiction of opposites. She had an air of worldly innocence, like a child that had seen and known to much in it’s young life, coupled with the personality of a pragmatic dreamer.
Karen herself was too young to recognize these things as signs of a slightly schizophrenic and self absorbed woman who had never fully left the shelter of her childhood because the responsibility of adulthood frightened her and disrupted the stasis of the world in which she chose to live. After that first night they had built a bond and blinded by infatuation Karen had thrown herself into the renewal and reconstruction of Serenity, and loved the woman harder each time she could not sculpt her into what she so wanted her to be. It had taken Karen years to recognize her Pygmalion like obsession although she never did end up with her personal Galatea.
Still she had given all of herself and had not quite known that she should be getting something in return, and so she had never asked, but Serenity’s lack of growth did not stop Karen herself from making her own transition into womanhood, and when she did she no longer found the childish actions of a woman twice her age endearing. She no longer understood Serenity’s refusal to take care of her own most basic needs, nor the fits of indulgence the woman was prone to. She couldn’t understand the compulsion to take and not give and she could no longer endure the petulance that she had once mistaken for a coping device.
She had wanted to look beyond Serenity’s surface and find depth but when she only touched the vast emptiness she was afraid. She had mistaken the woman’s swift mood changes for the passion of an impulsive romantic who loved as hard as she hated, and had mistaken a void for depth. She loved the image she created and even now couldn’t separate the two. She had been just as guilty as the woman who had walked away from her and taken the last vestige of her childhood with her.
She could still see Serenity entwined with the sweat slicked man, the both of them tangled in Karen’s sheets, not even noticing her at first. She had come home early from the office job she’d taken, to support herself and her lover, who never could seem to hold down a steady job. She hated the job and almost everyone who worked with her but the portraits she sometimes did, didn’t bring in nearly enough cash so she had put her dreams on hold to embrace the reality she so wanted to hold on to.
She swore she could feel her heart breaking as tears welled up in her eyes spilling over her cheeks and into the corners of her lips before they fell silently from her face. Serenity had only laughed, the man, who was really no more than a boy had the courtesy to at least leave after he had gotten himself together. In the two minutes it took him to find his clothes Karen had managed to calm herself and stuff her emotions and tattered soul into the place just below the pit of her belly.
When the nameless man whose face she would always remember had gone, Serenity had tried to wrap her arms around the girl. She was still naked and her skin stank of sex and the sickly sweet cloying scent of Cognac. Karen had to fight off the wave of nausea, though the taste of bile still clung to the back of her throat. She pushed the woman away from her and stepped outside of the room that threatened to gag her with it’s stench.
Serenity had cried then as if she had any reason for tears, cried and pleaded with Karen to forgive her to touch her to want her again, something in the girl’s brown eyes made her know that this was finally it. It wasn’t the Girl that she wept for but the loss of this life, she hadn’t exactly been pampered but she had gotten used to being adored and for the first time she was fully aware of what she had done, had been doing for sometime. As soon as it was out of her grasp she knew, and that’s why she pleaded and cried and tried to hold onto her even as the space between them grew by leaps and bounds with each passing moment.
Karen saw the woman clearly for the first time and what she felt was pity, the rage and the tears would come again later and for sometime afterward but it was the desperation in the woman’s eyes and the pity it inspired that would haunt her for years. She would never fully acknowledge canlı poker oyna that she had mimicked and rendered that desperation in her own work for years afterward, nor would she fully understand her everlasting pity for such a sight, instead she learned to hide herself in her work, where she could meet in private with her first and only love.
It was there that they would always be together and it was there where Serenity would always remain, hidden in the eyes of other’s with Karen reaching to embrace what she had never quite been able to grasp.
Kylie was watching Karen, the other woman seemed to be lost in a world of her own thoughts. For a moment Kylie wanted to be included in the world, wanted to know exactly what was going through Karen’s beautiful head but instead of wondering she receded into her own mind. Or at least she almost did before she could so much as form a thought Karen had snapped back to reality and smiled at her as if she hadn’t been in a world of her own for the past few minutes.
“What’s on your mind.” Karen asked fixing her with a stare
“You” Karen replied with the first thing that entered her head.
“What about me?”
“Nothing in particular just what you’re wearing under that robe.” She winked at the other woman
As much as she wanted to fight against it in her mind, Karen’s body reacted to the words that were really nothing more than a little bit of flirting. Still her nipples hardened and she felt a little kick of excitement in the pit of her stomach. Without taking time to consider what she was doing she loosened the belt of the robe and slipped the garment from her shoulder’s letting it fall to the ground. Turning she darted out of the kitchen heading toward the stairs.
“Come and get it.” she called as her foot hit the first step.
Kylie was right behind her, giving chase. They made it only as far as the upstairs hallway. Kylie grabbed the woman from behind holding her fast.
She said running her hands up the woman’s abdomen, to her breasts. She was playing with her nipples and biting her neck lightly as they stood there. Neither woman felt any need to move toward the bedroom and probably wouldn’t have even if they thought to. There was only one thing that mattered right then and it was consumption. They sank to the floor Kylies fingers already having moved from Karen’s breasts to the warm liquid center between the woman’s thighs. She took her like that Kneeling behind her as the woman rode her fingers her moans echoing off of the foyer floor below the landing and then throughout the house.
Karen thrust herself against Kylie’s fingers grinding her clit against the woman’s palm she could feel herself losing control as her hips moved faster and harder, even when she felt the heat of her climax spill over the woman’s fingers and into her palm her hips moved, time after time she went over the edge and let herself tumble free falling into wave after wave of pleasure and still her hips moved. She felt the tears on her face, felt them falling and knew there was no going back after this surrender of mind and body and still all she could do was ride the waves of desire. She was limp with satisfaction and something else she didn’t want to define when her hips stopped moving.
Her body and Kylie’s were slick with sweat. She wanted to give something back to this woman who had broken through the walls she kept up for years, bounding into the center of her loneliness and somehow leading her out but she didn’t have the physical strength, nor could she explain her tears, or the fears that were once again threatening to suffocate her.
Kylie wasn’t sure what had happened just now in the fading September twilight, kneeling in the middle of Karen’s hallway, but something had, Karen didn’t speak or even move when the woman kissed her wet cheek, and stood.
“Karen, I’ve already stayed later than I should have, I really have to go…”
She trailed off not sure what else to say, she didn’t want to leave not now not with Karen like this, not with her so clearly in need of something but David would be home soon and she had to be there. By the time she gathered her clothes and dressed herself Karen had disappeared from the hall. Kylie searched the downstairs for her but found nothing but a note.
“Thank You.” was all it said.
Kylie let herself out feeling like she might cry. She Didn’t know what was going on which confused her but somehow this day was either the beginning or the end of something beautiful.
Karen stood stark naked in the cool sanctuary of her studio, even in the breeze swept attic her skin was beaded with fresh perspiration. The sable of her brush struck the newly stretched canvas creating the rich coffee colored voluptuousness that she hadn’t internet casino seen or touched for many years. She painted those lips that had been curved into a perpetual smirk, shading them to perfection. Her top teeth pressing into the firm flesh of her own full bottom lip, her body taut with concentration.
Kylie had been gone for many hours yet Karen could still smell the fading scent of the woman mingled with her own scent and perspiration, still hear the sound of her sighs mingled with the breeze that floated through the slightly open windows. A part of her wanted to stop and concentrate all of her attention on the woman who had so recently left her home , but she didn’t, she couldn’t. First she had to exorcise yesterdays demons.
After 15 years of hiding she had to look into those eyes one last time and then maybe she could finally walk away. And so she painted, because it was all she knew, and right now in this moment it was all that mattered because it was the only thing she still had.
Kylie lay in her bed, she had stopped waiting for sleep hours ago, when her mind would not still. Now she lay there beside her husband, thinking and remembering. She could almost feel Karen’s smooth tapered fingers drifting over her body, and smell the scent of their mingled passion. She remembered the pressure of the woman’s lips on her own, then the pressure and wetness of them all over her body. She wanted to press her fingers between her legs and soothe the deep pulsing ache there. But she didn’t not yet.
She was in fact as in love with her own desire as she was with being desired. The wanting and the being wanted in return somehow made her feel more like a woman than she had in more years than she cared to admit or remember. She focused on the memory, the fantasy and the feeling, until her mind had exhausted itself and her body pulsed with need. All she had left over to think about was the confusion that she had been trying to keep at bay in the hours since she had departed from her lover.
She tried to push the feeling away but it kept creeping back to the edges of her consciousness eventually pushing away even her carnal need and grabbing her attention like a petulant child.
The bewilderment teased her somehow, it was as if she had once known the answer to some long forgotten riddle, but now when she needed it the answer eluded her .
‘When her mind had exhausted itself with the questions she could not answer and the answers she dared not question, sleep finally drifted over her, just as she closed her eyes the sun was beginning its ascent over the horizon.
‘As Kylie drifted off to sleep Karen too was finding rest. She had only just laid down her last brush, rinsed clean and set out to dry with the others. She had finally captured those deep dark brown eyes that she had painted on so many faces at so many other times. This time they were in the face she had first seen them in. Now that she had done what she’d set out to do she was very tired. The time to think and contemplate would come but right now was not that time, instead she would sleep while the paint dried and tomorrow she would face herself and her demons all over again.
Tomorrow came much sooner than she had expected. It seemed as if she’d barely closed her sleepy eyes, when they sprang open again. At first she was disoriented and therefore not quite sure what had yanked her from her peaceful slumber. Then she heard the doorbell being pressed insistently and repeatedly, the gentle chimes echoed through the empty house, as Karen rose. She snatched her robe from the back of the bedroom door, pulling it over her nakedness before she went to see who was at her door.
The woman on the other side of the door seemed just as surprised to be there as Karen was to see her there. A nervous smile tiptoed around the corners of her lips, and her skin glowed against the burnt orange sweater she wore. The color reminded Karen of thanksgiving and drinking hot apple cider near smoking bonfires of burning leaves and sticks. For a moment Karen just looked at the woman before stepping back to allow her into the house.
Kylie stepped into the house and shut the door behind her. For a while they just looked at each other their eyes speaking the words that their lips could not. She had come there to talk but now her lips betrayed her and her train of thought took on a whole new direction. She let her eyes drift from Karen’s stare. They drifted over the woman’s body following her curves before finally looking into her eyes again.. Maybe she had known this was going to happen maybe she had wanted it, had wanted not to end things between them. She knew she was already in way too deep her mind screamed panicked warnings at her, as her body fell into the arms that had opened before her. She fell into the embrace and savored the way they fit together as she wrapped her arms around the woman’s neck and pressed herself even closer. The screams in her mind faded to whispers as they kissed and touched, welcoming each other home.
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