the-english-year-39

Subject: English Year Chapter 39 **Standard disclaimer applies. This is based on actual events, although names, places, and descriptions have changed to protect the identities of the living. Don’t read if you shouldn’t because you’re under 18 or live in a backwards area. I appreciate any and all feedback, so please email me at ail. Enjoy the story! If you would like information on how to access future chapters faster, please feel free to reach out. I also offer unlimited access to the author through my program. Thanks! When I got out of the shower, I checked myself out in the mirror, ran my fingers through my hair and thought about the haircut I desperately needed. I should have gotten one when I was home for break, but there I stood looking at my hair as it framed my face and flipped out slightly from my ears and chin. I looked at my face. I looked at the contours of my cheeks, the single crease that curved away from my eyes and towards my temple. I looked older, I thought. I felt older. I felt like the last 48 hours had aged me in a way. I felt like I’d done some mature maneuvering. With Pete, I felt like I’d made the mature decision. I had acknowledged his pain in a way I hadn’t in the past five months. I acknowledged my doing in our relationship. I took responsibility. Responsibility aged a person. With Dominick I had drawn a clear line that my ambition was outside of the frat house. The IFC was my next arena, and while I still planned to run things my way here at Chi Beta, that move, taking that power away from the president, was a line in the sand. The reputation of Chi Beta was mine, not just on a social level, but now on a policy level as well. Seizing power aged a person. There was a brand new Hutch. Our relationship reached a different hurdle in the last two nights. Whether he liked it or not, he’d taken the baton Dom passed him, and in his own way had started running the race. Hutch was probably responsible for at least two of the new creases on my face. It didn’t feel great to be at odds with a pledge brother. It didn’t feel great to know that soon, down the line, I’d be going toe-to-toe with someone I was closest to in the entire house. We’d had our skirmishes before, but they felt less like ideological differences and more like episodes. Him batting for Dom felt more… final. Evolving relationships were definitely capable of aging a person. And then there was David. He wasn’t responsible for aging me, I thought. Instead, I thought the age I saw in my face was in direct comparison to the youth and innocence I saw in his. We were only two years apart, but the growth and maturity I’d experienced in those two years paled in comparison to where David was now. Wide eyed. Eager, yet intuitive. He looked at me and saw the kind of leader and brother he wanted to be. I looked at him and saw a simpler past. It was like looking in the mirror and seeing Dorian Gray. Comparing your youth to someone younger, more beautiful, definitely aged a person. And even looking at myself, the creases, the hair, the lines, I felt more confident for the first time in a long time. Everything was on the table– with Dom and Hutch, with Lee and David, even with Pete. Everything felt honest. There wasn’t the guesswork of the first semester. I looked at my face, and with that age and wisdom, decided it was time for battle. In life and in love. I went back to my room and found David dressed in a pair of my shorts and his t-shirt, clicking through something on his laptop. The freshmen were supposed to be studying, but with school not having revved up in earnest yet, I bet he was on The Facebook, or something like that. His legs were spread wide on my couch, and he looked up with a smile when I walked in. “You look comfortable,” I joked. “You look clean,” he replied with a smirk. I felt comfortable enough to pull my towel off and throw it in his direction. He caught it with a laugh and threw it back at my naked body. He wasn’t so intimidatingly perfect when he was clothed, I thought. Even still, it took everything I had to get dressed in something that would hide the fact I was sporting a half-chub instead of jumping his bones with it. I dressed quickly in a pair of grey sweats and a white Calvin Klein cotton tee that clung to me nicely. “I’m going downstairs,” I said when I was dressed. “Want anything from the kitchen on my way up?” “No, I don’t think I need anything.” “Okay. I should be back before you need to leave for the night, but wait for me and I’ll walk you down.” David nodded. I walked downstairs to Dominick’s room, took a deep breath, and knocked gently. “Come in,” I heard. I opened and entered. Dominick was seated at his desk typing on his computer. Hutch and Lee were both seated on Dom’s futon, seemingly getting work done as well. They looked like a big, productive family. The room was dark, with only the glow of laptop screens and only one lamp on in the corner. My eyes adjusted as I walked in, and addressed Dom specifically. “Hey, do you have a few minutes to chat?” I asked. “In private.” “Can it wait until after study hall?” I looked at my watch. The guys were to be in study hall until 9, and it was only a quarter till 8. “I’m actually pretty tired from a long day,” I replied. “And I wanted to get to bed pretty early. If you don’t mind chatting now.” Dom looked over his shoulder at the other guys, then back at me. He sighed. “Guys, do you mind? Maybe hanging out in the library or downstairs while I talk to Corbin?” Hutch shot me a look. I made every effort to keep my face still, to show no reaction. He closed his HP computer, pulled the cord, and wrapped it around his hand. “We’ll be down in the kitchen, I guess,” Hutch said. Lee followed suit quietly. They were gone a minute later. Dominick swiveled his desk chair around and motioned that I could have a seat on his futon. “So what’s up? Hutch said he updated you on the EC meeting this morning.” “He did,” I said, sitting and crossing my leg over my knee. “Interesting turn of events, considering the sergeant-at-arms for the freshman was my initial idea.” “Did you come to lecture me for proceeding without you? Because if so, that’s a non-starter, Corbin. You were detained in the health center, and we had business to attend to,” Dom was immediately on the defensive, and I always loved watching him squirm. “It’s whatever,” I sighed, uninterested in getting into a pissing match with Dominick, especially when tandoğan escort he felt he had the upper hand. That’s not what I had come down for. “But just know you are as transparent as you are short sighted. You saw an opportunity to screw me over, and you took it. I can’t fault you for that, and that’s not why I came down to chat.” “So spill it,” he replied. “Why are you here?” “To collect on the bargain we made yesterday. The Interfraternal Council.” Dominick’s eyes narrowed. “I just want to get some information on that. I looked at the university calendar before I came down, and it looks like the first meeting of the term is this Friday,” I said calmly. “That’s correct,” Dom responded slowly. “First Friday of every month.” “So how does that work, exactly? And how does the transition for me as our representative take place?” Dom took a deep breath, and I could tell simply having this conversation was getting under his skin. I’d taken something away from him. Something substantial when it came to the office of the presidency. He’d bargained for it for a little, so I didn’t feel bad at all. And he must have known I’d be down to get specifics out of him sooner rather than later. Still, I could tell giving me this information, giving me the keys to the kingdom, was tough on him. It was why I didn’t feel so bad losing out on Lee and a second vote in the EC. I had traded something of value outside of the house. I was the new face of Chi Beta to the school, and that meant something. Something I could clearly see bothered Dominick greatly. “I emailed Dean Coleman this morning to let him know we were switching things around,” Dom said, shifting in his chair. “You have to understand, this is really unorthodox, so I wanted to make sure it was even possible.” I tilted my head slightly and cut my eyes at Dom across the dimly lit room. “I would have liked to be copied on that,” I started, and then adjusted my tone. “What did he say?” “He actually responded really quickly for a Sunday,” Dom hesitated. “He asked what took you so long.” I smirked. “He wants to meet with you at some point this week before the meeting on Friday, if you have time in your schedule. I would email him first thing tomorrow and set something up,” Dom instructed. I nodded, slightly blown away. “Okay, will do. So how do the meetings work? I’d like to know what I’m getting into before I go talk to him,” I replied. I wasn’t there to torture Dominick; that was an added bonus. I was genuinely curious, and the more I learned, the more information I wanted. Dom sighed. “Meetings start at 6, but cocktails and hors d’oeuvres start at 5. I’d get there early because the food is actually really good most of the time.” “Cocktails?” “Lots of whiskey gets passed around. Nice wine. It’s a great time to rub shoulders with some of the campus’ elite. Professors, guest speakers, notable alumni, all that good stuff. It’s definitely a boys club,” he continued. “At 6, the President of the IFC will welcome everyone and introduce that month’s topic.” “Topic?” I asked, intrigued. I’d assumed the Greek elite just sat around thinking of ways to consolidate power and punish frats for breaking rules. “Yeah, there’s always some sort of topic. Leadership, philanthropy, health and wellness, that kind of thing. Chris Turner is the President this year, so he’ll get up and introduce everything.” Chris Turner was also the president of Beta, probably the highest profile fraternity on campus since being allowed back on campus two years prior. He was vice-president of the student body, and more or less a God on campus. I flushed thinking I’d be in the same room with him, and as Dominick continued, my brain swirled on how I would go about getting some face time with him. “After Chris speaks, he’ll introduce the guest speaker on whatever that topic is. I think this Friday’s is an effective leadership topic, so get ready for a lot of buzz words. Sometimes there’s just one speaker, sometimes there’s a panel. You never know. That’s why they liquor you up first, I guess. After the guests speak, President Russell always says a few words, and then there’s a short break. Use the bathroom, refill your scotch, and you’re back.” President Russell was the president of the university. I’d met him a few times, as he lived right in the heart of campus and was pretty accessible. Every year, his wife threw a cocktail party for the cast of that spring’s musical, so I’d actually been inside the president’s house a few times. His wife was charming, I remembered, and served incredible lemon squares. I was intrigued that I’d get face time with him as well this time. “Then the real stuff begins. Minutes are opened. Anything that needs to go up for a vote is brought to the floor. Did you learn Parliamentary Procedure in high school?” “Yeah, I went all the way to state in Parly Pro,” I replied. “Good. That’s how motions are run. It’s super strict and the officers take it pretty seriously. Basically, anything that’s been tabled is brought up. If a committee wishes to bring in a new motion, they do so after that. And then things are debated, and most things are brought to a vote right then. Each committee is asked if they have anything to bring to a vote and they have a chance to present.” “Committees?” I asked, soaking up as much information as possible. This secret world was so intriguing to me. I knew the IFC had this underground wealth of power, but hearing about it firsthand was incredible. “The officers are the President of the IFC, Chris Turner this year, and then all of the committee chairs. There’s Health and Wellness that promote all the blood drive initiatives that you see. All that kind of stuff we have to do is through H I’m excited to meet other leaders on campus, learn a great deal from them, and see how Chi Beta can contribute to the overall Greek life experience on campus while maybe gaining a tad more influence on things that go on here at OD. If I can do that and take some ideas back to my house, I would say it’s a mission accomplished.” The dean took a sip from his coffee mug before he addressed me slowly. “Welcome to the IFC, Mr. Crowley,” he replied with a nod. “Is that all, Dean?” I asked. “It is,” he stood and I followed suit and walked behind the dean to the door. We shook hands as he opened the door for me. “Corbin, let me offer you a piece of advice. I trust you tunalı escort know what you’re doing, I would be a fool even as a dean on this campus to underestimate someone like you. But the IFC is different from the Fancy Ball committee or the newspaper or even the school’s Student Exec Committee. I’ve seen you come into these things, guns blazing and full of fire. I’d say take it slow with the IFC. Play things a little more subtly. Feel the institution out first. If you have an end game here, let it materialize organically. Don’t force anything and end up drawing unwanted attention to yourself by the guys who are already on the council. Do you get what I’m saying?” The dean looked me in the eye, his hand square on my back. He patted my shoulder twice. I nodded, turned, and exited Dean’s Row. Dean Coleman had read me like a book, and whether it was in his power to stop me or not, he knew I wasn’t going to the IFC to sit back, drink some Maker’s Mark, and let other guys my age make policy decisions that affected the whole student body. I appreciated the warning, and in a way was impressed with myself that my reputation necessitated that it needed to be said in the first place. I might have lost my mojo with the likes of Peter and the bitter guys back at Chi Beta, but I was still Corbin Crowley, and based on that last minute of my meeting with Dean Coleman, I reminded myself that name still commanded some respect. As I walked down through the University Commons, I looked at my watch and decided I did have time to meet my pledge brothers for lunch. I didn’t hesitate, and I shouldn’t have hesitated in the first place. Who cares if Pete would be there. It wasn’t a large campus– I was bound to run into him at some point. And running into him in a public place didn’t mean I was rushing him. I’m sure it would be a quick and cordial greeting if I did see him, I wasn’t going to let that dictate where I went or what I did. My only required action in this new space of ours was to not rush him. That’s exactly what I was doing, I thought. I went down the three flights of stairs, passing the Commons entrance and all of its giant windows and large welcome desk. I went down another flight and was greeted by Vera at the entrance of the Dining Hall. “Hi Vera,” I greeted with a smile. “Long time no see, baby,” she said in that classic southern drawl that cheered me up every time. “Is there any food left?” I pretend to reach into my wallet for my university swipe card, even though I knew there was no way Vera was making me pay. “For you baby, I’ll make sure they have enough. It’s fried chicken today. Want me to have Mark whip you up a fresh batch?” I beamed and nodded. “You go get whatever else you want, and I’ll have him bring you some. You sitting with those other boys from your house? They’re over there,” Vera pointed to a corner table. I filled a small plate with salad and cottage cheese and then made my way to where Austin, Hutch and Roberto were already seated. “Where’s Brian?” I asked, plopping down in the fourth seat that was wedged between the corner column and an open window. “Srat lunch?” “I think so,” Austin replied. He’d been in charge of that gathering’s invitations it seemed. Brian missing meant one thing– his girlfriend Cathy had insisted on him joining her for lunch at the sorority house. “That’s where I should have gone so I wouldn’t be stuck in this corner,” I moved my elbows up and in either direction hit the wall and window glass. I pulled my fork up and started eating my salad like a T-Rex. “So… what did I miss?” From the looks of it, everyone was in the middle of their first plates. Roberto still had half a panini and a full salad plate in front of him. Hutch was working on some fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Austin had put together quite a large salad and was still going to town. “Not much, really,” Berto replied. “We all want to know what went down with you and the Brit after we left you in the health center.” “You want an update, but none of you came to see me when I got out yesterday,” I said, turning my face slowly to Hutch. We made brief eye contact before he went back to concentrating on his plate. “We assumed you’d be volatile,” Roberto said, stuffing his face with a melty cheesy sandwich. “Ah, volatile,” I smirked. “Nothing noteworthy happened after you guys left. I passed out and he slept there with me.” “Bed or chair?” Austin asked. “Chair. There’s no room on those beds for two people.” “The way he kicked us out, I assumed he’d find a way,” said Hutch. “He told us he’d take care of you, and that it was the one chance he had to prove he liked you without you being able to run away or, as I quote, `put a wall up’.” I nodded. Should I have been pissed someone used a semi-hospitalization as a coercive way to get his point across? Or was it just cute enough he dismissed my best friends to ensure he’d have a chance to get through to me? Was it romantic, I thought? Or manipulative? Mark, Vera’s dining room partner and the best guy on campus to get to know, brought over a plate with a freshly fried chicken breast, still steaming, juicy, and clearly a special order. I smiled and said `thank you’ to him as he set it down and told us `Vera said us boys need to stay out of trouble now’. As I dug in with my knife and fork, I turned and addressed Hutch. “Well, he got his point across just fine. In the morning when we finally talked he said he cares for me… about me. Loves me, I guess, I don’t know if he took it that far. But he has these feelings which was great to hear, but he also resents me.” I couldn’t find the words to tell my brothers about the conversation. As I began to explain what happened with Pete and me, a sense of shame came over me. It was then I realized I’d caused all of this. I’d driven us to where we were. Saying it out loud, that he resented me, made it all the more real. And it made me all the more vulnerable. “Wait what?” Hutch interjected. “Yeah,” I replied. “He’s pissed at me because he thinks all last semester with everything I did to bring our relationship closer together, I rushed him. And he’s not ready to make any choices or anything like that, and I rushed him into having to choose between me and his previous life.” “He actually said that?” Austin asked, squinting. “You aren’t paraphrasing.” I looked up from my plate. “I mean, is he right?” Hutch asked, türbanlı escort breaking the silence. I shot him a look and then returned to my plate of comfort food. “Yeah, kind of,” I replied between bites. “I just… I didn’t think someone needed to be pushed into coming out as gay. I don’t care about all of that, or labels, or what you tell yourself and your family. I didn’t rush him to come out, come out. But in rushing him to decide if he likes me, of course I pushed him to have to decide if he likes guys.” “Are straight guys capable of liking one guy without liking all guys?” Roberto asked. I shrugged. I didn’t have the answer to that. “I don’t think so,” Hutch was the first to answer. “For me, if I found myself having feelings for a guy, singular, I would question what it means in aggregate. At least I’d want to know.” “I agree,” Austin said. “I don’t agree,” Roberto added loudly and confidently. “I think you can fall in love with someone’s spirit without making it about a gay or straight thing. I think the difference is do you fall in love enough to make it romantic?” “And maybe that’s where we are, you know?” I followed up. “Maybe we’re stuck between he loves me for my spirit, and is trying to figure out if he wants to make it romantic. He did kiss me before I got discharged.” “What kind of kiss, maricon?” “A kiss, kiss?” Austin asked, raising an eyebrow. “Like a kiss, kiss. Sitting on the side of my bed, hands on my face, tongue in my mouth, chills down my spine, toes curling, can’t even remember my own name kind of kiss.” “Damn,” Hutch exhaled. “I might need a cold shower.” “Now a kiss you can’t fake,” Roberto said. “So he said he hates you for rushing him, he kissed you like a super romantic movie scene kiss, and then what? Nothing?” “I haven’t talked to him since we left things yesterday,” I said. I avoided looking Hutch in the eye. “I’ve just been trying to sort things in my mind since then. The questions are how do I give him space? And for how long? And do I wait while he decides?” “Definitely wait,” Austin said. “Come on, this is the closest you’ve gotten with this guy. He’ll come around. You wait.” Austin and I made eye contact, and he raised his eyebrow at me. It was sage advice, and I could tell he was serious. I was both surprised and grateful I had these pledge brothers there to not only support me, but to take a vested interest in my love life. They didn’t have to, but that eye contact with Austin reminded me they were, in fact, rooting for me to get the guy. “I think you’ve waited plenty and this guy needs to shit or get off the pot. He can’t just kiss you like that, change everything again, and then disappear and you just sit around.” I couldn’t tell if Hutch was coming to my defense because he meant it, or because he knew I hadn’t waited all that long to begin with, and didn’t want me to feel bad about it. Part of me thought saying that was his way of letting me off the hook with David. “That’s just my opinion.” “I dunno,” I sighed. “I just think if I were waiting, starting now, it would be one thing. But we’ve done this song and dance for months now. It’s about to be February. There’s Fancy Ball, and Down Under, and Foxfields, and all of the music festivals. Does he really expect me to wait through all of those events? What if he never understands how he feels? If I hadn’t pushed us to where we are now, we wouldn’t even be here. We wouldn’t be past a handshake if I hadn’t pushed things forward. There’d be nothing to resent me for because we’d still be speaking in code and wondering `is he or isn’t he’? I dunno. I just… sitting there listening to him say those things, I felt for the first time we were both in this relationship. But I don’t know if he felt the same thing about me. I need things from him to keep going through this. I’m in this, but I can’t be in it alone while he bides his time and I spin my wheels.” Saying those things out loud to my pledge class made it clear Pete and I were in two different places. He was opening the door, peeking his head through, and wondering what was on the other side. I was on the other side and I was ready to be here with someone. At that lunch, I finally got the chance to verbalize to my guys what it all boiled down to for me. While I understood where Pete came from in saying I’d pushed him into feelings for me and having to decide what that meant, I couldn’t help it, and I wouldn’t apologize for it. Pushing him meant bringing us to where we were. Pushing him meant getting us to that kiss. Pushing him meant opening his mind up to the possibility of us. I’d pushed him. And would have done it all again, I thought. Pushing him had brought us to the brink. It was his job to pull us over. And it was that waiting and agonizing that had aged me the most that year. “So the question is, what are the rules of waiting? Can you call him?” Hutch asked. “I don’t think you can call someone who said you’re moving things too fast,” Austin replied. “I think you wait for him to call you, mi maricon.” “Okay, but mutual events? You’re bound to run into him?” Hutch replied. “I think we get to a place where we can run into each other without ripping each other new assholes,” I said quietly dissecting my piece of chicken. I wasn’t all that hungry anymore. “Yeah, I think it definitely needs to be about going with the flow for a while. Let him come to you,” Roberto responded. “But no other boys. Don’t confuse the message. He needs to know you’re waiting for him. You’re all in. No random makeouts!” I looked up and smirked at my pledge brother. “No random makeouts, you’re right,” I replied. He didn’t need to know the guy who was distracting me through all of this was anything but random. He was family. I thought about what my pledge brothers had said. My every instinct, every Corbin fiber of my being, thought I should shoot Pete a text. It had been a day and a half since he’d dropped me off at our back steps, and living in this limbo, waiting for him to call, wasn’t characteristic for me. But it was the reason why we were where we were. I couldn’t call. I couldn’t text. I couldn’t pressure or push. He had to do this on his own timeline. I thought about how different this was for me. How much I’d grown since leaving Pete the last time. Aged. Our relationship had evolved in a big way that weekend, I thought, and so had I. I didn’t call. I didn’t text. I waited. So I walked back to the house, and I waited. Only when I got back to my room after lunch, there was a surprise sitting on my bed, waiting for me. *Thanks for reading and following along. I appreciate any and all engagement and interaction! If you’d like information on how to access updates faster, please let me know! As always, all feedback is appreciated and can be sent to ail