Just Where Do We Go From Here? Ch. 02

1

Harriet knew that life had dealt her a harsh blow. Her husband Carsten Gaertner’s stroke and incapacitation, at the early age of fifty-five, had left her to manage as best as she could in changed financial and family circumstances.

Of her three children, only Lothar was still at home. He was a second-year student, at Heidelberg University, and he invariably travelled into the city with her; she to pursue her work and he his studies. Lothar would often stay over with friends, so he said; but she knew that a fellow student, Lisa, was the one who so often kept him with her.

It was then that she felt the loneliness of an empty house the most, and in her life also. She was married, but her husband did not recognise her and that was the cruelest cut of all. She would visit him in the care home, where she would stay and talk as if to a blank wall. She; would rarely receive any response except the dart of Carsten’s eyes in the direction of her voice. So, on a kiss to Carsten’s face she would leave him, again, and she would push from her mind, if she could, the thought of how long she had to continue enduring these ways of it and the emptiness of her life where, before, love and companionship had flourished and left her content.

On a balmy evening and having just arrived home, she wondered what to prepare for supper and having thought twice about ringing Lothar. He ad said nothing about his plans for the evening and with the weekend ahead of them. She hoped that he might be with her for some of the time.

‘Oh! Can it be you?’

She fumbled in her handbag and found her iPhone. Its insistent lilting ring tone announced whom it was: Lothar! His beaming smile was soon seen on the screen, along with the riot of his windblown brown hair and the lean features of his face. They were so like his father’s when he had been his son’s age.

‘Hello darling”

‘Hello Mother…I’m on my way home.’

‘Will we be having supper together, or are you going out again…to be with Lisa?’

‘That’s over,’ he answered certainly, ‘it was all getting to be too intense…for me.’

‘I’m sorry.’ She wondered how anyone could complain about a lover being ‘too intense’, but perhaps her Lothar was not ready for that. There was the prospect of him being with her more often.

‘Be intense with me, then,’ she blurted out. ‘We could dress up a bit for supper…look special and make an evening of it? I was with your father today, he…’ her voice broke as she remembered it, ‘he didn’t recognise me…not at all.’

‘I’m so sorry…I should come with you next time and hep you through. I’ll be with you…won’t mind if you’re intense or liebevoll if it helps.’ He had heard in her voice that his mother was on the edge, at emotional breaking point; how she had spoken and what had been said a departure from how she had always been with him. ‘I’ll be with you, and we’ll go from there.’

‘I really need that…Lothar, darling.’

‘I’d like that. I can always rely on you to pick me up when I’m not at my best with my girlfriends…my ex-girlfriends,’ he corrected soon enough. ‘I’ll be home by eight…I promise.’

‘Should I drive over and collect you?’

‘No…silly! I have my scooter here, but I just don’t use it often enough. The thing’s parked in the student’s bike store…I always travel in with you.’

‘And back unless you were detained…’

‘It’s over mother…me and Lisa. Don’t go on or worry about that.’

She heard a moment’s flare of exasperation in his voice that she should keep mentioning Lisa. ‘I don’t. I worry about you. Just be here with me…and be careful.’

It had sounded only too needy and possessive, but that was how she now felt. Lothar so often devoted time to her and had recently been of unselfish help as Carsten’s condition worsened. She knew that she had to let go of so much that belonged in the past and that she should not burden her boy with it all, but she needed him now. She didn’t want to go through it all on her own and would do that in small steps as she accepted all that she faced. She thought it would become the simplest of explanations for her behaviour where it concerned them both, she and her son.

2

She sat at the table and sipped on a small beaker of fruit juice. Lothar had confounded her in his behaviour towards her over supper, the attention that he paid to her so different. She had spent restless hours, sleep eluding her, or it was fitful at best.

The dress she had worn at supper, a black jersey favourite with its cutaway sleeves and somewhat revealing neckline, had not been worn for some time and not since Carsten’s stroke. niğde escort But she could still get into it and loved how it shaped her rounded hips and the soft swell of her belly. She had been pleased how a jewelled pendant, that she had chosen to wear, nestled on the freckled skin of her cleavage.

She still wore the necklace now, under the short-hemmed silk dressing gown that she loved to feel against her skin.

‘That boy…that young man,’ she sighed. He had regaled her with stories of university life; had told some of the jokes doing the rounds and that bordered on the obscene, to her ways of hearing them.

‘I’ve not told you the dirtiest ones!’ he had laughed. ‘I wouldn’t embarrass my mother with those…’

But how he had become when they had danced a few steps, to a tune heard on the house sound system that he had programmed for her, had revealed what he felt when she had been held close, far too close. It had been an intimate embrace and he’d been obliged to step away, suddenly embarrassed at his state of arousal and the press of his prick against her belly.

‘I…I should go…it’s late,’ he had stammered. ‘I hope that I’ve been some sort of company for you. You have been for me…’

Everything had become so at odds with all that had gone before between them. She had detained him; gripped his arms as he leant in to kiss her goodnight, her mouth so close to his and Lothar’s hands on her hips for an instant, their eyes locked on the other’s as if to acknowledge what had happened. Perhaps a step too far had been taken, by him, and that she not saying something to admonish his behaviour a clue to what may have been at work in her also.

‘It’s crazy…what I felt for him at that moment.’

She was a typical middle-aged woman and mother trying to keep a hold on herself, her emotional state and dealing with Carsten’s decline. Bearing and giving birth to three children had softened her body, but Lothar had seen someone else.

Footsteps were heard on the stairs, and she soon saw strong legs and large feet on the wooden treads, then her son’s torso, scarcely covered by a T-shirt that hung over his soft, jersey cotton, boxer briefs. They shaped him and soon aroused an aberrant longing in her for him, all over again. She shivered. What madness to feel the way she did on seeing her only too well-made son.

‘I…I couldn’t sleep,’ he said on drawing closer. ‘You?’

She shook her head; met his look upon her knowing that the silk robe would reveal to his sight how it shaped her. ‘Don’t look at your mother like that!’

‘You are a woman…beautiful still…alone and you hurt. I see it in your eyes…understood the reason for you dressing up last night.’

‘Not to make you feel the way you do…’ she whispered; shivering as his hands touched her throat; lifted her face to make her look at him. ‘Don’t darling…not this Lothar…no darling!’

She felt her robe being opened before the tugging away of the belt, then his hands on the tumble of her breasts before Lothar…her son…drew her to him.

‘I’m here for you…in every way if you need that…even from me.’

‘Lothar!’ She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. She failed to stop the touches of his questing hands to her body. ‘But this is evil…and forbidden…whatever you may say or think!’

‘Comfort…it’s a moment’s comfort for you,’ he breathed on her parted lips, the stilled look of his eyes searching for a response. He felt her restraining hands on his hips and pushed forward so that she could feel his hard prick against her body. ‘Help me with the ache I now have…I don’t do that on my own…play with myself like others do all the time.’

She nodded through his kisses as she pushed her hands under his T-shirt and felt his heat; responded to another’s lustful ways with her. Wrong as it all was, she realised that she needed to have him take her out of only too settled ways and succumbed to the rush of longing that coursed through her body.

‘Be with me!’ she called out as she ran from him and up the stairs, her ash-blonde hair flowing free, the ribbon bindings of last night eased out of the weave that it was always worn in; the thump of their feet echoing in the stilled hallway. Soon, their fiery kisses silenced her words of dismay that he should want her and that she would concede. ‘What madness, darling…what madness you make me feel!’

His hands, his lips, Lothar’s kisses and breaths were on her breasts, her face and throat. He caressed her buttocks and she reached for him, leant away as his lips tugged on her nipples. The infant she had escort niğde suckled now claimed them with a renewed hunger. Like a lover he lusted after them. His fingers claimed the haven where she had pushed him out and into a life with her and Carsten. The nub of his penis was now long and swollen, thick and veined, his sac full.

He gasped and pulled out of her hold. ‘Sorry…it’s so full…it aches.’

‘From wanting me?’

‘Yes! It’s been like that ever since we had supper. I tried to blow my load…couldn’t make it happen.’ He gave a soft groan in embarrassment. Harriet pushed him down onto the edge of the bed. Her son, the tall, gangly athlete with his toned body and confident ways looked to her again for help. She saw him raise his arms and she noted again the small tattoo on one arm. The unblemished skin of a babe was that no longer. ‘I…I want you…want you so bad, even though…’

She rose to kiss him. ‘Even tough we both know it’s so wrong and forbidden?’

‘Yeah…yeah!’ he gasped as she licked her fingers and wrapped them around his straining prick, bent over him and with her hair sweeping over his skin, lowered her mouth onto his prick and sucked. She clamped and stroked and worked him; squeezed gently on his balls, the ridged skin of his sac. She kneaded them and their weight in her hand.

Lothar scrambled away from her and up the bed, she pursuing him like a cat and her breasts swaying until his hands stilled them. She resumed in her stroking of his prick, then his belly before she silenced his gasps at her wanton behaviour with kisses.

‘Should we…you know what I need now?’

‘Yes, there’s no turning back!’ he cried out as she sucked on him.

‘Yes there is…we could stop,’ she answered in a doubting voice, ‘but we have shown another side to our natures now…’

‘Oh, go on…go on, please?’

He pushed off the bed with one hand so that he could sit up, she soon resuming in her gobbling of him. With the other he stroked her back, reached behind her to scratch the base of his mother’s spine.

‘Do it for me!’ she cried out and pushing him away, soon straddling him and gripping his prick. Wantonly, she brushed it over her wet lips and used the bulbous tip to part them as she slowly rocked back and forth. Every line had been crossed. They had done that when she had allowed his hands to claim her body; when she had met and offered hungering kisses outside her bedroom.

Lothar watched her rub his penis over her shaved crack; touched it with his fingers before she took him into her body, her wanton gasps at odds with the stare of her eyes upon him. She was oblivious to the caress and pinch of his hands to her breasts, and of the slow slide of his finger tips from her lips down to where she had taken him.

‘This…you…it all feels so good…crazy but good!’ he called out to her in dismay. They would fuck and nothing, it seemed, would stop them or break the spell that had fallen upon them.

‘Is so…so evil…evil!’ she groaned in reply, bucking and twisting her hips as she jerked and settled on him.

She basked in the pleasure that her movements on him brought to her. She couldn’t stop herself and knew, as she took her son’s penis into her body, that she had broken every rule, but she wanted to forget…what she endured in a life without Carsten in her bed…in her body as she was living it out now. She knew, as he moved to really claim her body, that she shouldn’t be doing it, let alone have pursued it, but what the man was doing felt so good, her son’s penis buried so deep in her body.

‘I’m in you…so deep!’ he groaned, ‘so deep…mother!.

She bent forward to press fingers to his lips and to silence him. ‘Don’t say the word…don’t darling…please? I know who I am…I don’t recognise the woman I’ve become. Don’t taunt me…or remind me…just don’t.’

They both groaned in unison as they fucked; as she slammed down on him and felt her boy push back up; as she ground her hips but knew that he had plumbed her and could go no further. She would slowly rise, make out that she would have him leave her, before she settled back down. She marvelled at his skill in setting a tempestuous rhythm.

‘Oh…oh mother!’

‘Be quiet on that!’

Her mouth covered his. She closed her eyes and stifled her cries of pleasure and despair; sought to pretend that she was not being fucked like a demon by her son, the young man with his father’s lean face and deep blue eyes, slender nose and energetic ways. Was she revisiting all that she had lived through, so long ago, and with a vigorous and only to niğde escort bayan accomplished lover…her darling man, Carsten?

‘I’m close, my darling…so close!’ she gasped on feeling him hit the right spot and her orgasm was building. ‘Are…are you?’

‘Yes…oh yes!’ Lothar pulled her down on him. He pushed his feet into the bed and thrust up as she leant over him, her halting breaths sharp and quick, the sweep of her breasts over his chest tantalising. He rolled them over and still kept her to him as she wrapped her legs about his heaving hips.

‘Go on! she cried out, tearing her mouth away from his questing lips…a lover’s mouth, as she bucked her hips and clamped on him; jerked her body as if to tear his prick off him. ‘Go on…finish it for me!’

‘Harriet…mother!’

‘Go on…go on…don’t stop my darling! Forgive me…but…but I need this from you!’

Complicit, she felt that her boy had breached every defence. Her blood seemed to be humming in her veins and she felt her body overwhelmed by an unstoppable tide. In twisting jerking movements Lothar spasmed and she felt the bolts of his semen hit her. She was overwhelmed by the fury of his orgasm that met her own. The walls of her pussy tightened around his swollen penis as Lothar was kept deep inside her.

‘I can’t stop them…I’m cumming…cumming!’ she screamed. ‘Keep loving me…after this! You will…won’t you?’

‘I will…you know that I will.’ Lothar held her to him as Harriet fell in on herself and from all that they had shared. She kept him in her body until they were sated, utterly spent.

She had tasted forbidden fruit, yet she moulded her body to him as they lay against each other, their minds possessed by all that they had conceded to. Harriet stilled the progress of his hands even as she sensed that Lothar sought to continue in offering solace in these aberrant and destructive ways. What had once passed for order in their lives had been smashed to pieces.

‘Don’t go…stay here like this, beside me…please darling?’ The reality of what she had done, in allowing his pursuit of her, was sinking in.

‘I won’t be long…’ she heard as Lothar shifted away.

He soon returned with a towel and the moist warmth of a flannel. He eased the duvet from her and gently washed her thighs, the soft skin of them slicked with her juices and what he had expelled into her. She met his adoring look upon her naked body and did not keep him from offering slow kisses to her skin.

His washing of her most intimate places were like acts of homage, or an avowal of the pleasure that he had taken in her body and prolonging the after effects of her orgasms that had swept over her in drugging waves. How long had her son lusted over her, or thought of these moments, as a way to offer succour? The man should have grown out of these aberrant longings for the woman that was his mother so long ago, if he ever truly had them..

She waited for him to return as she heard the power in his jetting stream as he pissed and flushed the toilet; heard the running of the taps to the basin in her en-suite bathroom. How many times had she heard the same when she had loved with Carsten? They were uncounted and irreplaceable times, moments of order so at odds with what she had known of with Lothar. She had strayed from that path with her own boy…what madness.

‘Let me sleep beside you,’ he now asked. Lothar kissed her cheek as she lay on her side and was soon pressed against her once more. She held his hand to her aching breasts and moulded her naked body to his; bonded with him as never before.

‘I want that darling…but…just where do we go from here?’

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During the early hours of the morning they loved again, slowly and calmly; each delighting in each other, Harriet looking down her body and to see how her boy was so fully joined to her and his energy, and devotion, exhausting her. His lips and flickering tongue had claimed, once more, every dip and hollow of her body; every touch seeking to ease away all that prevailed in the world beyond the Gaertner’s home.

How as she to face Carsten when she had wanted their son, her source of errant solace, to be in her body; their deviant behaviour to be no brake on what she sought, solace, for what had befallen her so many years earlier than she had ever dreamt possible. She and Carsten were still so young.

Just where was she to go with the memories of what she had done? Nothing could excuse it; no words could truly explain, let alone justify it. She, Harriet Gaertner, was thought of as a woman leading a proper life.

Her conscience, and Lothar’s, would ultimately prevail…would make them stop what they had begun.

She wondered when that could be, knowing how she felt after all that he had done for her, and…incredible to say it…with her complicity through the night.

Yes, just where was she to go with this?

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